animal

A Cat’s Guide: TRAINING YOUR HUMAN CHAIRS AND RUGS: If you have to throw up, get into a chair quickly. If you cannot manage in time, get to an Oriental rug. If no Oriental rug is available, shag is good. DOORS: Do not allow closed doors in any room. To get a door opened, stand…

Two jackrabbits are running from a pack of coyotes they manage to hide under a cactus. One says to the other: “Should we run for it, or wait till we outnumber ’em?”

A rich guy was looking for excitement so he decided to put an ad in the newspaper. The ad said, “I will give $10,000 to any person that can make my elephant jump.” So the next day, people came from all over the world to try to get this elephant to jump. There were even…

What do you get when you cross a rooster and an owl? A cock that stays up all night!

Please answer yes or no to this question. Is your answer “no”? Hint: This is under trick, remember. Answer: Yes or no.

“Don’t be afraid of the dog,” said the lady to young Johnny, who was delivering her groceries. “You know the old proverb, ‘A barking dog never bites?’” “Yes,” replied young Johnny. “You know the proverb. I know the proverb. But does your dog know the proverb?”

What is a kangaroo’s favorite restaurant? IHOP!

Joe:Why did the cow cross the road? Bob:The chicken quit. Joe:why did the chicken quit? Bob: He wanted a job that would give him more buck-buck-bucks. Joe: Hey! Why is why is that duck crossing the road? Bob: I don’t know. Maybe the cow qu- Hey! Why am I talking to you? I don’t even…

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, “Do your Shih Tzu dogs breed well?” The owner says,”Sure they do.” After a minute, the man says, with a grin, “What about your bull dogs?” “Yes they breed well, too.” The man, happy with this, buys both. The owner asks, “Why do…

What do you call a sheep with no eyes? A blind sheep (what else?)

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?” “That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?