animal

A guy was walking around town with a frog growing out of his head. Another man walks up to him and ask him, “What happened to you?” The frog answered, “Well, it started as a wart on my ass.”

Bought the wife a hamster fur coat for her birthday, she was delighted with it. We went to the fair; took me 4 hours to get her off the big wheel!

Q: What’s the difference between an elephant and a plum? A: Their color.

Old Bubba was fishing along the Bayou for catfish one day when he spots a water moccasin slithering across the water with a toad in its mouth. Being a longtime fisherman, he knows the best bait for large catfish are toads. In a flash, Bubba grabs the snake from behind and carefully removes the toad…

Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog. So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill’s yard. After about a year…

Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, “Nice pigs, Mr. President.” Clinton replies, “I’ll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razor Back Hogs.…

What does the turtle do in the Olympics? The hurdle run!

Did you know… in Louisiana it is illegal to tie an alligator to a fire hydrant and leave it unattended? Really! It’s true!

Boys make good pets! Princess in training! At least I can still smoke in my car Caution, Blind Man Driving. “Never think about the mistakes you made. Think about the mistakes you will make.” All trespassers will be shot on sight. All survivors will then be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Have…

Why is it dangerous to go in the jungle after 5 p.m? Because elephants jump out of trees after 5 p.m. Why do beavers have flat tails? Because they go in the jungle after 5 p.m!

A cat’s dictionary. Purring: Sound of a cat manufacturing cuteness. Purrverse: Poem about a strange kitty. Purranoia: The fear that your cat is up to something. Human Being: Automatic door opener for cats. Purrpetual: Everlasting love for domesticated felines. Purrson: A male kitty. Purrpetual motion: A kitty playing.

Two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.”