animal

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. “This year,” she says, “I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me.” The daughter protests, “But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can…

Your so stupid you tried to kill a fish by drowning it!

Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the elephants.

Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! DUH! Aw c’mon, how many times are you gonna fall for this?

A homeless man stops at a farmhouse to beg to spend the night. The farmer answers the door and says, “Sure, we can put you up.” The vagrant washes up for dinner and meets the family downstairs. Sitting at the dinner table are the farmer, his wife, their son, and a gigantic pig who is…

It seems that God received a delegation of animals complaining of their lot in life. There was an elephant, a giraffe, and a hen. The elephant complained, “Lord, I HATE THIS TRUNK YOU have given me. It gets in the way, and makes me look like a total fool!” The Lord said, “Don’t complain. It…

A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The owner says, “How about a dog?” The man replies, “A dog? That’s so ordinary! And a dog can’t do everything!” The owner says, “How about a cat?” The man replies, “No way!…

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires. Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks.

An old man and old woman had been married for about 52 years when one day the old woman died. The entire family showed up to the funeral. Every day after the funeral the old man would show up at the grave with his dog and spend a few minutes there. About two months later,…

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side! ************************************************************ Q: Why did the punk rock star cross the road? A: Because he was stapled to the chicken!

Q: What is a cat’s favorite game? A: Go Fish!

CAT: 1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat’s mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As the cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to…