animal

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant? A: With a blue elephant gun.

A young man went to a house to pick up his blind date. The girl wasn’t quite ready, so her father invited the lad to sit on the couch and wait. Dad sat in his easy chair and proceeded to read his newspaper, while the family dog, Rover, jumped onto the couch and sniffed out…

A city slicker was driving through the country when he spotted a horse standing in a field. He was quite taken with the animal and so pulled over to ask the farmer if it was for sale. “Afraid not,” said the farmer. “I’ll give you a thousand bucks!” said the city fella. “I can’t sell…

A couple, hosting a dinner party, were interrupted when the maid called the hostess to the kitchen. “Ma’am, the cat climbed up on the kitchen counter and ate the middle of the salmon.” Light on her feet, the hostess told her to replace the missing portion with canned salmon, then returned to her guests. As…

Can You Decipher This Phrase? pu Back up!

A teacher asked his student: Give me an example of 6 animals. The student: 3 Lions, 2 Tigers , and 1 Cheetah !

One day a cat comes walking by meowing, “I can’t do anything right.” So he keeps on pouting and somejoke comes up to him and says, “Why are you crying?” “Because I can’t do anything right.” So the guy helps the cat and a day later the cat could do anything right so he goes…

Can you decipher this phrase? SMOKE G Go up in smoke!

My friend Doug pointed up at a bird circling overhead and said, “Look, it’s an eagle!” “That doesn’t look like an eagle,” I said. “Well of course not,” he shot back amazingly quickly. “It’s travelling incognito. Haven’t you ever heard that “Eagles are Masters of De Skys?”

A man goes into a pet shop looking for an exotic pet. The owner tells the man, “we have iguanas…”. The Man says, “No, I am looking for something really different. Everyone has iguanas, snakes, fish, and spiders!” The owner of the shop then tells the man that he has a talking centipede. The man…

My brother, Julian, is a little simple. I recently asked him to buy me some ribbon for my daughter’s pretty pink bonnet. He went to the haberdashery shop for the required length but accidentally interchanged the feet and inches. When I measured the resulting ribbon I only had 30% of the length I required. How…

Although cats are rather delicate creatures, and they are subject to a good many ailments, I never heard of one who suffered from insomnia. Dogs and cats instinctively know the exact moment their owners will wake up. Then they wake them 10 minutes sooner. Dogs shed, cats shred. No one appreciates the very special genius…