animal

Joe:Why did the cow cross the road? Bob:The chicken quit. Joe:why did the chicken quit? Bob: He wanted a job that would give him more buck-buck-bucks. Joe: Hey! Why is why is that duck crossing the road? Bob: I don’t know. Maybe the cow qu- Hey! Why am I talking to you? I don’t even…

A man walks into a pet shop and says to the owner, “Do your Shih Tzu dogs breed well?” The owner says,”Sure they do.” After a minute, the man says, with a grin, “What about your bull dogs?” “Yes they breed well, too.” The man, happy with this, buys both. The owner asks, “Why do…

What do you call a sheep with no eyes? A blind sheep (what else?)

A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida. “Is it true,” he asked, “that an alligator won’t attack you if you carry a flashlight?” “That depends,” replied the guide, “on how fast you carry the flashlight.”

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant? A: Have you ever seen a yellow elephant?

What is black & white an red all over? A penguin holding its breath!

Dear God: Why do humans smell the flowers, but seldom, if ever, smell one another? Dear God: When we get to heaven, can we sit on your couch…or is it going to be the same old story? Dear God: Why are there cars named after the jaguar, the cougar, the mustang, the colt, the stingray,…

Two guys decided to go buy two pigs. So after they bought them they wanted to know which one was who’s. So they went to the barn but when they got there the two pigs were fighting. After they broke them up one pig was missing a ear. So one guy said, “What are we…

Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because chickens weren’t invented yet.

How do you titillate an ocelot? Oscillate its tit a lot!

Earth Worm: Oh, I wish that darn evil Mister barney hadn’t chopped my brother into two sections! Other Earth Worm: Why? Earth Worm: Because, now I have two half brothers!

A guy walks into a bar with his dog on a leash the barman says, “Geez that’s a weird dog; he’s stumpy-legged, pink, and doesn’t have a tail, but I bet my rottweiler would beat the heck out of it.” 50 bucks is laid down. Out in the yard the rottweiler gets mauled to pieces.…