animal

A pro football team had just finished their daily practice session when a large turkey came strutting onto the field. While the players gazed in amazement, the turkey walked up to the head coach and demanded a tryout. Everyone stared in silence as the turkey caught pass after pass and ran right through the defensive…

Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says “Dam”.

A man walks into a bar and notices that there is a game of poker taking place at a table in the corner of the room. To his amazement, one of the players is a German Shepherd, studying his hand intently. He asks the barman, “Is that dog actually playing poker?” “He certainly is, sir,”…

What do you give a sick pig? Oinkment.

One day a couple of rabbits found themselves being chased by a pack of wolves. They dashed into a thicket, and stood there panting. “So,” gasped one to the other, “do you think we should keep running, or stay here until we outnumber them?”

Q: Which sea animal is very grumpy? A: The crab!

How did the parasite cross the road? It hopped on the chicken!

Two guys own a zoo. To their angst their lone female gorilla goes into heat. Knowing she will be violent if not looked after they take her to a vet for advice. He says she needs to be bred by a male gorilla. Knowing they can’t find a male they weigh their options. One says…

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They…

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl? A: He got pissed off.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”. “Hey, man,…

A man is just about to break a record. Suddenly, a dog jump up and bites him on the neck. Q: Is the dog owned by the former record keeper? A: Yes. Q: Did the former record keeper intend this to stop other people from breaking his record? A: Yes. The murderer doesn’t want other…