animal

Polly Perkins was after a talking parrot, so she went to the local pet shop in the hope of securing such a find. She was in luck. The shop assistant assured her that the parrot would learn and repeat any word or phrase it heard. Polly was delighted. However, a week later, the parrot still…

A pastor was walking down the street one day when he saw an abandoned kitten in an alley. Feeling sorry for it, he took it home. However, it wasn’t until he was in his house when he realized it had a collar. It said “Fluffy,” nothing else. No phone number, no street address, nothing. He…

The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian war party. The Indian Chief proclaims, “So, you are the great Lone Ranger. In honor of the Harvest Festival, you will be executed in three days. But, before I kill you, I will grant you three requests. What is your first request?” The Lone…

1. Blaming your farts on me…not funny…not funny at all. 2. Yelling at me for barking…I AM DOG!! 3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re gone. Have you noticed that your toothbrush tastes a little like cat spit?!! 4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting…

What do you call a blind deer? No idea (no eye deer.) What do you call a blind deer with no legs? Still no idea! (not moving [still] no eye deer)

A young boy asks his dad, “What is the difference between confident and confidential?” Dad says, “You are my son, I’m confident about that. Your friend over there is also my son; that’s confidential!”

A lion woke up one morning feeling really rowdy and mean. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, “Who is mightiest of all jungle animals?” The trembling monkey says, “You are, mighty lion!” Later, the lion confronts a ox and fiercely bellows, “Who is the mightiest of all jungle animals?” The terrified…

Little Birds Do you know someone who seems to know everything? When asked why, they say, “A little birdie told me.” Did you know they probably aren’t lying? It is a little known fact that there are little birds that fly very fast, are never seen, and they are everywhere – thus, these creatures are…

Q. Why should you be careful when it’s raining cats and dogs? A. Because you might step in a poodle.

What is represented by this? HEAR T Broken heart!

I got a new dog last week. She’s a black lab and border collie mix, and still a puppy. I take her with me everywhere I go. But when I took her to the vet to get her shots, they told me I had to put her down. I’ve only had this dog for a…

Three mice were sitting in a bar talking about how tough they were. The first mouse slams a shot and says, “I play with mouse traps for fun. I’ll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it twenty or thirty times.” And with…