animal

Several years ago, Baltimore Zoo decided to encamp colonies of tiny Green Monkeys and large Drill Baboons together on an island, the theory being that the primates would stay put because neither could swim. But the morning after the exhibit opened, zoo officials found little Green Monkeys off the island and wandering around the zoo.…

Guy1: Thats a bunch of cows. Farmer: No, a herd. Guy1: Of course I’ve heard of cows. Farmer:.No, I mean the cow herd Guy1: I have no secrets from cows

Yo Momma is so smelly that when she entered a pig sty, all the pigs had to evacuate…

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because the chicken and the road can’t agree on anything.

There where two snakes talking. The 1st one said, “Sidney, are we the type of snake who wrap ourselves around our prey and squeeze and crush until they’re dead? Or are we the type of snake who ambush our prey and bite them and they are poisioned?” The second snake says, “Why do you ask?”…

Why does a dog have fur? ‘Cause if he didn’t he’d be a little “bare”!

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, flogging insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. “Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it.” The farmer was dubious. “Young man, I’ll make you a proposition. I’ll tie you out in my…

Automobile Tool Definitions Hammer: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate expensive car parts not far from the object we are trying to hit. Mechanic’s Knife: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door;…

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. “This year,” she says, “I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and dad shop for me.” The daughter protests, “But mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can…

Your so stupid you tried to kill a fish by drowning it!

Q: What did Tarzan say to Jane when he saw the elephants coming? A: Here come the elephants.

Why did the chicken cross the road? TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE! DUH! Aw c’mon, how many times are you gonna fall for this?