animal

Two guys own a zoo. To their angst their lone female gorilla goes into heat. Knowing she will be violent if not looked after they take her to a vet for advice. He says she needs to be bred by a male gorilla. Knowing they can’t find a male they weigh their options. One says…

Two hunters went moose hunting every winter without success. Finally, they came up with a fool-proof plan. They got a very authentic female moose costume and learned the mating call of a female moose. The plan was to hide in the costume, lure the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot it. They…

Q: Why did the ant fall off the toilet bowl? A: He got pissed off.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead. As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, “Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter, and you didn’t even pay for your sandwich!”. “Hey, man,…

A man is just about to break a record. Suddenly, a dog jump up and bites him on the neck. Q: Is the dog owned by the former record keeper? A: Yes. Q: Did the former record keeper intend this to stop other people from breaking his record? A: Yes. The murderer doesn’t want other…

Why can’t a dalmatian puppy hide from his mom? ‘Cause he’s already been spotted!

1) The couch is not mine. 2) No matter how much larger the human is, the cat still deserves half of the bed. 3) Tell those you love how much you love them but only after they feed you. 4) Its okay to be a tad overweight as long as you are still able to…

Which animal has no teeth? A gummy bear!

A wealthy Australian man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet Dingo along for company. One day, the Dingo starts chasing butterflies, and before long he discovers that he is lost. Wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having lunch.…

This story takes place in a very specific year. Somewhere in the future. A year after Bush leaves office. ——————————– Part 1. A Space mission Place: In a rocket in space. Notes: names such as Junior and Senior are just rankings on the shuttle. ——————————– Senior: WHAT ARE YOU DOING, JUNIOR? Junior: Getting a donut.…

“Do you know that your dog bit my mother-in-law yesterday?” “Is that so? Well, I suppose you’ll sue me for damages?” “Not at all. What’ll you take for the dog?”

Teacher: Can you name four animals of the cat family? Mary:Mother cat,Father cat,and two kittens.