animal

A farmer is going down the road with his horse pulling his wagon and his dog lying next to ’em. The farmer says, “It sure is hot out here.” The horse turns back and says, “It sure is.” The farmer says, “I didn’t know horses could talk.” The dog said, “Neither did I.”

Thou shall not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem. Thou shall not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem. Thou shall not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. Thou shall not sit in front of the television or computer monitor as thou are…

Q: Why are frogs so happy? A: They eat whatever bugs them!

Laws of Feline Physics II Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedient Resistance A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for her to do something.…

What does the male centipede say to the other male centipede when a female centipede walks by? That’s a nice pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs, pair of legs…..

Day 751: My captors continue to torment me with bizarre dangling objects. They eat lavish meals in my presence while I am forced to subsist on dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of eventual escape — that, and the satisfaction I get from occasionally ruining some piece of their…

There was once a man from the city who was visiting a small farm, and during this visit he saw a farmer feeding pigs in a most extraordinary manner. The farmer would lift a pig up to a nearby apple tree, and the pig would eat the apples off the tree directly. The farmer would…

Jenny walks into a pet shop and says to Bobby, the owner, “I want to buy a canary.” “We have many types,” says Bobby, “is there any particular one you’re after?” “Yes,” replies Jenny, “its got to be a very good singer. I’m prepared to pay good money for a great singing bird.” “Lady, I’ve…

A man had a very smart dog. He tried selling it for around $45, but everyjoke thought it was too expensive. The man couldn’t lower the price because part of the deal was to buy it a new name tag, 5 lbs. of food, and a new toy. After long thought he decided to get…

Three guys are in an bar sitting around a log fire with their dogs and get to talkin’ about them. First one says, “My dog is called Woodworker. Go Woodworker!” The dog grabs a log from fire and with his teeth and fashions a beautiful figurine. Next one says, “My dog is called Stoneworker. Go…

This is a joke to do to a very gullible person. You start off by telling that person to say “Just like me”, whenever you say something. You then start: “I went to my house” Just like me. “And walked through the door” just like me “and up the stairs” just like me “and then…

1. It’s not a laugh to practice barking at 3a.m. 2. It’s wrong to back Grandma into a corner and guard her. 3. He shouldn’t jump on your bed when he’s sopping wet. 4. The cats have every right to be in the living room. 5. barking at guests 10 minutes after they arrive is…