animal

Q: What did the Dallas chief of police say when the elephant walked into the police station? A: Nothing! He didn’t notice.

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display. While he was there, another customer walked in and went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, ”That’ll be $5000.”…

A man was sailing down the river amazon in a canoe, when he was hit by a poison dart. He woke up some time later in a cage, surrounded by a tribe chief and his minions. The chief said “You have been tresspassing on our tribes private property. You will be doomed to death by…

We have found the perfect mate for all of you ladies out there. This mate… will always stop watching t.v. and cuddle with you without expecting something in return. Is always happy to hear about your day when you get home. Never complains about your cooking, or lack of. Never gets mad when you roll…

A hiker gets lost in the woods and spends the next two days wandering around with no food. Finally, he spots a bald eagle on a ledge, hits it with a big rock, and begins eating it raw. A park ranger stumbles on the scene and arrests the hiker for killing an endangered species. In…

A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, “I gotta have you!” He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever…

An avid duck hunter was in the market for a new bird dog. His search ended when he found a dog that could actually walk on water to retrieve a duck. Shocked by his find, he was sure none of his friends would ever believe him. He decided to try to break the news to…

Why did the squirrel sleep on his stomach? To keep his nuts warm!

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers till after they give birth in the spring. Therefore, according to every historical…

Why did the chicken go across the field? Because the referee shouted “FOWL”!

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a cow and began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, cool dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?” Indian: “Dog no talk.” Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?” Dog: “Doin’ alright.” The Indian looked shocked. Cowboy: “Is this Indian…

A bear and a rabbit are walking together and they find a magic lamp. They decide to rub it and a genie comes out. The genie says, “Thank you for releasing me I will give you both 3 wishes.” The bear thinks and says, “I wish all the other bears in this forest were lady…