animal

Why didn’t Megan Fox run from the man-eating lion? Because she was a woman. *Told to me by a 7-year-old*

Here are two versions of the same story– A certain man was passing through a small town and wanted to upgrade his mode of transportation. So he looked all around this small town he was in and found that the only place he could buy a faster means of transportation was at the local monastery.…

Q: Where does a blackbird go for a drink? A: To a crow bar.

Q.) Why did the dog go to court? A.) Because it got a barking ticket.

A man settles into his seat on the plane, when another man sits down and puts his black Labrador Retriever in the seat next to him. The first man looks very quizzically at the dog and asks why he is allowed on the plane. The second man explains that he is a DEA agent and…

Why did the chewing gum cross the road? Because it was stuck to the chicken’s feet.

There was once a big ol’ tough bear strolling through the forest looking for some silly hunter to maul, when he suddenly got the urge to pass the last hunter he had eaten. He stopped by the side of the path and proceeded to dump away. Well, as he was sitting there, a cute little…

When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk’s hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk had some very good news for him. “Guess what, sir?” the clerk said. “I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we’ve had so long!” “Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted…

A woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, “We’re prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?” One day, she was talking to her Preacher about this. He said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the Bible. He thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females.…

You are a big animal that is big.

Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message and slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, however, the door did not close…

An old guy was wandering around a supermarket calling out – “Crisco? Crisco? C-R-I-S-C-O!” Finally, a clerk approached him and said, “Sir, the Crisco in on aisle seven.” “Oh,” the old guy said, “I’m not looking for Crisco. I’m calling my wife.” “Your wife’s name is Crisco?” the puzzled clerk asked. “Hell, no,” the old…