animal

Which animals eat with their ears? All of them, since no animal takes its ears off to eat!

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant? A: Hold his trunk shut until he turns blue, and then shoot him with the blue elephant gun.

I. Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength. Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don’t try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom. If…

Where do cats go to find their tail? The retail store.

Why do chicken coops have two doors? Because if it had four doors it’d be a chicken sedan.

Four blondes are shipwrecked on an island. They meet a wizard who is very bored and gives them each one wish. The first one is too stupid to listen to the wizard and she swims away and drowns. The second one says, “I wish I was 10 times as smart as I am now,” and…

What do elephants have that nothing else has? Baby elephants!

How do you shut up a crying baby? Finish the job.

A city slicker decided to buy himself a pig, so he drove to the country until he saw a sign that said “PIGS FOR SALE”. Turning into the driveway, he spotted the farmer, told him what he wanted, and they agreed on a price. They went to the barn where the farmer picked up a…

The sky was dark The moon was high We were alone Just she and I Her hair was brown Her eyes were too I knew just what She wanted to do So with my courage I did my best And placed my hand Upon her breast I trembled and shook And felt her heart Slowly…

There’s a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him. So the guy turns around to go back,…

How do you know if you have the swine flu? You wake up in pigtails and then break out in rashers!