atwork

A group of managers was given the assignment to measure the height of a flagpole. They got their ladders and tape measures and went out to the flagpole. However, the measurement job turned out to be much more difficult than any of them had expected, with some of them falling off the ladders, some dropping…

“Tomorrow is a boiling hot day, at 10 degrees Fahrenheit. The day after that is the same temperature, as well as the next and the next. Won’t these temperatures ever cool down?”

From the instruction manual for the first stewardesses (in 1930): Keep the clock and altimeter wound up. Carry a railroad timetable in case the plane is grounded. Warn the passengers against throwing their cigars and cigarettes out the windows. Keep an eye on passengers when they go to the lavatory to be sure they don’t…

Seen on rear mud-flaps of a large truck left mud-flap right mud-flap Passing Side Suicide / —— —— —— —— / El Paso El Cruncho

THINGS YOU’D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK 1. I can see your point, but I still think you are full of shit. 2. I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce. 3. How about never? Is NEVER good for you? 4. I see you’ve set aside this…

In the beginning was the Plan And then came the assumptions And the assumptions were without form And the Plan was completely without substance And darkness was upon the faces of the workers And they spake unto their Group Heads, and sayeth: “It is a crock, and it stinketh!” And the Group Heads went unto…

FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 14 RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party I’m sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery and I’ll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and…

DMV jokes get old really fast. Unlike the DMV. You have to go through a special line to become old.

A man was bragging about his sister who disguised herself as a man and joined the Army. “But wait a minute,” said the listener, “She’ll have to dress with the boys and shower with them too, won’t she?” “Sure,” replied the man. “Well? Won’t they find out?” “And who’s gonna tell?”

“COMPETITIVE SALARY” We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. “JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY” We have no time to train you. “CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE” We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up. “MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED” You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day. “SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED” Some time each night…

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself. “I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying…

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn’t been paid. The collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, “We can’t ship your new order until you pay for the last one.” The next day…