atwork

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn’t concentrate. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The…

Real headline: “Air Traffic Controllers Can Apply for Job in Braille”

An architect, an artist and an accountant were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he…

A man was sitting in a plane when another man sat down in the seat beside him. The new fellow was a wreck, pale, hands shaking, biting his nails and moaning in fear. “Hey, pal, what’s the matter?” the first fellow asked. “I’ve been transferred to Los Angeles, California,” he answered nervously. “They have riots,…

A Norwegian applied for a job as a logger deep in the Canadian woods. The foreman took him into the bush to test his knowledge of logging. He stopped the truck, pointed at a tree, and said, “See that tree over there? Tell me its species and how many board feet of lumber are in…

Did you hear about the director of the Department of Motor Vehicles who resigned on Tuesday? He tried to resign on Monday, but discovered he’d been standing in the wrong line.

What door cannot be pushed, even by 10 people simultaneously? The door that says: PULL

Employee: *making out a rain check* “Okay, so I’m just going to look on the computer and check if any other locations have this item.” Nice customer: “Okay, thanks.” Angry customer: “Stop f***ing socializing and do your g**d*** job!” Employee: “Sir, please don’t be abusive, I’m just checking our other loc-” Angry customer: “I don’t…

A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store. “Listen,” said the shoplifter, “I know you don’t want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch, and we forget about this?” The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the…

The pressure of a workday can bring out the weirdness in people. Possibilities for stupidity are endless. Here are some real conversations: Boss: “You make too many mistakes! You’re not very consistent.” Cube Dweller: “Well, you can’t be consistent all the time.” Cashier: “And what form of payment will you be using today?” Customer: “Money.”…

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or woman)…

Lemon Grove A woman was applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove. When the foreman looked over her application, he felt she was far too qualified for the job. “Look, Miss Carter,” said the foreman, “do you have any actual experience in picking lemons?” “Oh, yes, I certainly do,” she replied. “I’ve been…