atwork

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job…

For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units …. 1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? =…

Teacher: Oh I really love my husband he’s so cute and kind and everything! I will never do anything to hurt him. Jack: Looks like you really love your husband, teacher. Cara: It looks pretty obvious. After lunchtime the bell rang and everyone went to their classroom. When their teacher came… Teacher: Who keeps putting…

Confucius asks: “If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?”

We’ve just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of your office. Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of…

The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call “Lunch and Learn” seminars during the employees’ lunchtime, dealing with a variety of physical and mental health issues. If the seminar lasts beyond the normal lunch hour, we’re supposed to get managerial approval to attend. So, last week, this flier came around: LUNCH AND…

A good-looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said, “I want to be a movie star.” Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?” The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.” The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you,…

Doctor: Mrs Smith, you have acute angina. Mrs. Smith: I came here to be examined, not admired.

1. Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?” Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?” Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Center.” Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours.” 2. Samsung Electronics Caller: “Can you give me the telephone…

This Australian truck driver is looking for a long distance driving job in Adelaide. He gets offered a job driving a load of bowling balls to Darwin. He’s not too keen on this, but he needs the money and so takes off. A while along the highway he sees two Aborigines with a bike, in…

Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. “Cardinal, I’m getting pretty old and I’d like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully.” The cardinal says, “That’s fine Quasi, we’ll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a…

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep, not enough sunshine, too much pressure from my job, earwax build-up, poor blood or anything else I could think of. But now I found out the real reason: I’m tired because I’m overworked. Here’s why: The population of this country is 273 million.…