atwork

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both. “The disadvantage is that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.” “What is the advantage?” inquired the prospective buyer. “The…

(To understand this joke, you should read the Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. December 7th. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 10th RE: The Holiday Party Vegetarians? I’ve had it with you people! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like…

Pick A Power Word The manager of a ladies’ dress shop decided it was time to have a serious talk with one of her sales clerks. “Janet, your figures are well below any of our other sales clerks’. I’m sorry to say that unless you can improve your record soon, we will have to let…

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job…

For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units …. 1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? =…

Teacher: Oh I really love my husband he’s so cute and kind and everything! I will never do anything to hurt him. Jack: Looks like you really love your husband, teacher. Cara: It looks pretty obvious. After lunchtime the bell rang and everyone went to their classroom. When their teacher came… Teacher: Who keeps putting…

Confucius asks: “If a train station is where the train stops, and a bus station is where the bus stops, what is a work station?”

We’ve just been notified by Security that there have been six suspected terrorists working out of your office. Five of the six have been apprehended. Bin Sleepin, Bin Loafin, Bin Goofin, Bin Lunchin and Bin Drinkin have been taken into custody. Our agent advised us that they could find no one fitting the description of…

The company I work for sometimes puts on what they call “Lunch and Learn” seminars during the employees’ lunchtime, dealing with a variety of physical and mental health issues. If the seminar lasts beyond the normal lunch hour, we’re supposed to get managerial approval to attend. So, last week, this flier came around: LUNCH AND…

A good-looking man walked into an agent’s office in Hollywood and said, “I want to be a movie star.” Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials. The agent asked, “What’s your name?” The guy said, “My name is Penis van Lesbian.” The agent said, “Sir, I hate to tell you,…

Doctor: Mrs Smith, you have acute angina. Mrs. Smith: I came here to be examined, not admired.

1. Customer: “I’ve been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can’t get through to inquiries, can you help?” Operator: “Where did you get that number from, sir?” Customer: “It was on the door to the Travel Center.” Operator: “Sir, they are our opening hours.” 2. Samsung Electronics Caller: “Can you give me the telephone…