atwork

Two contracters were building a house. While they were sawing a board, the saw slipped and cut of one of the contracter’s ears off. They were looking through the sawdust and one contracter came up with the ear. He asked his co-worker, “Is this it?” The other one said “No, mine had a pencil behind…

One day a government worker was digging through his office drawers when suddenly he came upon a magic lamp. (Oh,c’mon, I’m sure there’s one buried in your desk too.) Since he’d heard these jokes before, he knew that he had to rub the lamp and make the genie come out, so he rubbed the lamp…

This is supposedly a true story, it happened in a small town of the province of Quebec, Canada, in October 1996. They showed the video surveillance tape on the news, and even the anchorman was laughing through it. A robber came into a convenience store wearing a ski mask and a gun wanting to empty…

Dept. of the Army Regulations For Operation Of Aircraft Commencing January 1920 1. Don’t take the machine into the air unless you are satisfied it will fly. 2. Never leave the ground with the motor leaking. 3. Don’t turn sharply when taxiing. Instead of turning sharp, have someone lift the tail around. 4. In taking…

A man in a hot air balloon realized he was lost. He reduced altitude and spotted a woman below. He descended a bit more and shouted, “Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don’t know where I am.” The woman below replied, “You…

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. “Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.” “Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed,…

1. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be…? 2. Do I look like a people person? 3. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 6. Sarcasm is just one more…

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UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn…

Waiter, why is my food all mushed up? -Well, you did ask me to step on it. Waiter, these eggs are bad. -Don’t blame me. I only laid the table. Waiter, is there soup on my menu? -No, I wiped it off.

Police Chief: As a recruit, you’ll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!

Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!” Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.” Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY…