atwork

A woman was unhappy with the way her laundry was done at the local Chinese Laundry, so she wrote a note and put it in the bag with the next collection of soiled clothes : “USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!” She got the clean laundry back, and was still dissatisfied with the results, so the…

Sign in restaurant window: “Eat now – Pay waiter.”

Shannon received a phone call from the foreman plant that her husband worked at. He sounded grim and she immediately knew something was wrong. “What happened? Is Patrick all right? Please tell me he’s ok,” she said. The man on the line said, “Shannon, there was an accident at the brewery and your husband is…

To make a long story short, well, it helps if the boss walks in!

FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 1 RE: Christmas Party I’m happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We’ll have…

NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS CEO – Chief Embezzlement Officer. CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer. BULL MARKET – A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. BEAR MARKET – A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets…

A woman called an auto parts store and asked for a 28-ounce water pump. “What?” asked the confused parts guy. She said, “My husband says he needs a 28-ounce water pump.” “A 28-ounce water pump? What kind of car does it fit?” asked the parts guy. “A Datsun,” replied the woman. As the parts guy…

After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, the interviewer described the person to his boss as rather monosyllabic. The boss said, “Really? Where is Monosyllabia?” Thinking that his boss was just kidding, he played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, “Oh, you mean over by Croatia?”

Here are some incredibly useful phrases you can use when in the workplace… If you don’t know what it is, call it an ‘issue’… If you don’t know how it works, call it a ‘process’… If you don’t know whether its worth doing, call it an ‘option’… If you don’t know how it could possibly…

A man was filling out a job application form. Whe he came to the question, “Have you ever been arrested?” he wrote “No.” Not realising that the next question was only for people who answered “Yes”, he wrote “Never been caught.” ======================================= A bank manager was interviewing candidates for a cashier’s post, and was down…

Reaching the end of a job interview, the interviewer asked a young engineer, “What starting salary were you thinking about?” The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.” The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical…

William P. Holcomb’s job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he himself had 375 unpaid tickets.