atwork

Buy company, fire them. Beware of machine guns.

A business man in Chicago had occasion to write a Japanese friend in Tokyo. Mindful of the Oriental’s appreciation of flowery language and of his own duty to the cause of good public relations, he ended his letter with the wish, “May Heaven preserve you always.” To the delight of the business man’s office staff,…

A bright young executive had just been hired as the new CEO of a large high tech firm. The CEO who was stepping down met with him privately and handed him three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can handle,” he said. Well, things went along…

How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?

I plan to be spontaneous – tomorrow. You know, if I looked like you, then I’d probably be plastering make-up on, too. You looked in a mirror lately? You’re just jealous – weighing 10 stone is a big achievement. You remind me of a person I once knew. He was called the Hulk. If you…

It was a dark, stormy, night. The marine was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty. A general stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous young private snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out “Sir, good evening, sir!” The general, out for some relaxation, returned the salute…

INTEROFFICE MEMO Subject: Special High Intensity Training In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity from employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone else. If you feel…

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below…

Week 1 – Memo No. 1 Effective this week, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day. Employees are free to dress in the casual attire of their choice. Week 3 – Memo No. 2 Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.…

A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: “If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I’ll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.”

A woman just got a new job and her co-workers told her her first assignment: to fire the janitor, Don. The woman was very nervous about doing this, so she decided to get it over with fast. She marched up with her head down and said to the man, “I’m sorry, but you’re fired!” Her…

Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn’t take it any longer, and told him, “Listen, it means nothing, they even have a Vice President of peas at the grocery store!” “Really?”…