atwork

An American manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from Albania. At noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. “Your workers, they’re escaping!” cries the visitor. “You’ve got to stop them.” “Don’t worry, they’ll be back,” says the American. And indeed,…

1. And your crybaby whiny opinion would be…? 2. Do I look like a people person? 3. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting. 4. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left. 5. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. 6. Sarcasm is just one more…

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UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK DRESS CODE It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn…

Waiter, why is my food all mushed up? -Well, you did ask me to step on it. Waiter, these eggs are bad. -Don’t blame me. I only laid the table. Waiter, is there soup on my menu? -No, I wiped it off.

Police Chief: As a recruit, you’ll be faced with some difficult issues. What would you do if you had to arrest your mother? New Recruit: Call for backup!

Customer: “Look! My friend told me I could get this type of hammer at your store! Now go get it for me!” Cashier: “Sir, I already told you… we don’t have ANY hammers back here that aren’t already stocked on the shelves.” Customer: “LOOK HERE. F**K YOU! I KNOW YOU’RE TRYING TO SAVE MONEY BY…

A man boarded an airplane in Sydney, Australia, with a box of crabs. A female crew member took it and promised to put it in the crew’s refrigerator, which she did. Shortly before landing, she couldn’t remember who gave her the package, so she announced to the entire cabin, “Would the gentleman who gave me…

You understand the rationalization of an acronym comprised of acronyms. You can name the project leader of more than 10 projects including your own, but still can’t explain in the simplest terms what they do. You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance: (1) A meeting at Fort Hood…

Billy Bob wanted a job as a signalman on the railways. He was told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector asked, “What would you do if you realized that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?” Billy Bob replied, “I would switch the points for one of…

What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don’t? Depreciation.

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he…