atwork

Q. Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A. All my autopsies have been performed on dead people.

This is an actual job application! NAME: Greg Bulmash DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. HA But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible make…

A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. “Sorry, we don’t need anyone…” they replied. “You can’t afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!” “Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have…

A proud father brought home a swing set he had just purchased for his children and immediately began to assemble it while all the neighborhood children anxiously waited to play on it. After several hours of reading the assembly instructions and trying to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he gave up and called…

“Ciao amico, desidero comprare un mazzo di banane.” “Il compagno spiacente, questo è un farmacista.”

A friend of mine was a frequent user of a pay telephone at a popular truck stop, and was greatly inconvenienced when the phone went out of commission. Repeated requests for repair brought only promises. After several days, the phone company was again contacted and told that there was no longer a rush. The phone…

How To Keep The IT Guy Happy When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals, dried flowers, bowling trophies and children’s art. We don’t have a life, and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse…

STAFF NOTICE – TOILET POLICY Effective immediately, a toilet policy will be established to provide more consistent method of accounting for staff during working hours, thus ensuring effective time management & equal treatment of all. In the future, the doors to all toilets will be equipped with computer linked voice recognition devices, which can only…

A truck driver was going south on I-75, when he came upon a weight station. When he pulled in and got on the scales to be weighed, the scale master told the driver that he was 900lbs. over weight. The truck driver replied, “I can take care or that.” The scale master asked he how…

In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. Quickly, God was faced with a class action suit for failure to file an environmental impact statement. God was granted a temporary permit for the project, but was stymied with the cease and desist order for the earthly part. Then God said, “Let there be…

“So, how did you do?” the boss asked his new salesman after his first day on the road. “All I got were two orders.” “What were they? Anything good?” “Nope,” the salesman replied. “They were ‘Get out!’ and ‘Stay out!”

Some men in a pickup truck drove to a lumber yard. One of the men walked into the office and said, “We need some four-by-twos.” The clerk asked, “You mean two-by-fours, don’t you?” The man said, “I’ll go check,” and went back to the truck. He returned shortly and said, “Yeah, I meant two-by-four.” “All…