atwork

(Often I enter the beer cooler with shorts, a t-shirt and some rubber-hand work gloves on.) Me: *walks out of the cooler* Customer: “Are you f***ing insane? It’s freezing in there. Me: “I don’t mind it.” Customer: “That’s bulls***! You know it’s cold. Why would you lie to me?” Me: “Excuse me? I’m pretty sure…

There was a boss who was told by his boss that he had to get rid of at least one employee. So he narrowed the decision to one of two new employees, Jack or Mary. He then decided to speak to each one privately, and let their reactions help guide his decision. So he called…

New Office Slang ============================== 404 – Someone who is clueless. From the Web error message, “404 Not Found,” which means the document requested couldn’t be located. “Don’t bother asking John. He’s 404.” Adminisphere – The rarified organizational layers above the rank and file that makes decisions that are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant. Alpha Geek…

“How can I ever thank you?” gushed a woman to Clarence Darrow, after he had solved her legal troubles. “My dear woman,” Darrow replied, “ever since the Phoenicians invented money there has been only one answer to that question.”

A man joined a big Multi National Company as a trainee. On his first day, he dialed the kitchen and shouted into the phone: “Get me an fucking cup of coffee, quickly!” The voice from the other side responded, “You fool, you’ve dialed the wrong extension! Do you know who you’re talking to?” “No,” replied…

1. There is no “I” in “teamwork.” But there is in “management kiss-up.” 2. If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better company someday. 3. The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to budget cuts. 4. Doing a job RIGHT…

“We Haven’t Had Any” A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, “No, ma’am, we haven’t had any for some weeks now, and it doesn’t look as if we’ll be getting any soon.” Alarmed, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, “That isn’t true, ma’am.…

I wouldn’t have believed this unless I seen it with my own eyes. I was walking down a street in the city I live in and noticed a store was going out of business. In the window was a huge sign “GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE”, directly below that sign was another sign that said…

Dad to his family: The phone bill is exceptionally high. You have to limit its use. I don’t use this telephone. I use the one a the office. Mum: Same here, I hardly use this phone as I use my work telephone. Son: Me too, I never use the home telephone. I always use my…

When the salesman dropped in to pay a visit to one of his customers, he found the office empty except for a very large dog who was emptying wastebaskets. Rubbing his eyes, he was certain they must have been playing tricks on him. “Don’t look so surprised,” said the dog, “after all, this is part…

A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. “Well,” he replied, “the pay is good and the hours aren’t bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong.”

I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I used to work repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt; to free it, I started heating…