atwork

The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, “You are far too upset and worried about your son. I suggest you take tranquilizers regularly.” On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, “Have the tranquilizers calmed you down?” “Yes,” the boy’s mother answered. “And how is your son now?” the psychiatrist asked. “Who…

The first 90% of a project takes 10% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time. If at first you don’t succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get. Keep…

During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord’s prayer from “give us this day our daily bread” to “give us this day our daily chicken.” and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. Two weeks later the…

You’ve all heard of TGIF – Thank God It’s Friday, right? Well my Secretary refers to Friday as POETS day… Piss Off Early, Tomorrow’s Saturday….!!!

A customer (a middle-aged woman) arrived to have a massage from among the fifteen or so blind masseurs. She came with a side-kick who brought along her things from the office. Approaching the line of masseurs waiting for customers, Lady – in a voice quite loud as to be overheard “They are good masseurs these…

A soldier had lost his bayonet and whittled one from wood so he could stand inspection. He was hoping not to be discovered until the regiment had gone into battle where he could pick up one from a dead soldier. At an inspection, an officer asked to see his bayonet. The soldier stated, “Sir, I…

“This house,” said the real estate salesman, “has both its good points and its bad points. To show you I’m honest, I’m going to tell you about both. “The disadvantage is that there is a chemical plant one block south and a slaughterhouse a block north.” “What is the advantage?” inquired the prospective buyer. “The…

(To understand this joke, you should read the Wocka jokes: December 1st. December 2nd. December 3rd. December 7th. Enjoy!) FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director TO: All Employees DATE: December 10th RE: The Holiday Party Vegetarians? I’ve had it with you people! We’re going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like…

Pick A Power Word The manager of a ladies’ dress shop decided it was time to have a serious talk with one of her sales clerks. “Janet, your figures are well below any of our other sales clerks’. I’m sorry to say that unless you can improve your record soon, we will have to let…

TO: ALL PERSONNEL FROM: ACCOUNTING It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of “Miscellaneous Unproductive Time” (Code 5309). However, we need to know exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job…

For all you engineers (and other geniuses) who have difficulty converting units …. 1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? =…

Teacher: Oh I really love my husband he’s so cute and kind and everything! I will never do anything to hurt him. Jack: Looks like you really love your husband, teacher. Cara: It looks pretty obvious. After lunchtime the bell rang and everyone went to their classroom. When their teacher came… Teacher: Who keeps putting…