bar

A neutron walks into a bar and asks, “How much for a drink?”. The bartender replies, “For you, no charge”.

There are two fat guys in a bar, one of the guys, puts his empty glass on the bar and says, “your round”, the other guy says, “so are you, you fat basted!”

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first goes up to the bartender and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager, please.” The next one says, “and I’ll have half of what he’s having.” The bartender says, “You’re all idiots,” and pulls two pints.

A gent spots a nice looking girl in a bar goes up and starts small talk. Seeing that she didn’t back off, he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. “That’s a nice name,” he said warming up the conversation. “Who named you, your mother?” “No, I named myself,” she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”…

A woman and her goose walked into a bar. The bartender asked, “Why’d you bring the pig in the bar?” The woman answered, “I do believe this is a goose!” The bartender says, “I was talking to the goose!”

A guy walks into a bar and rudely demands a shot of 12-yr old scotch. The bartender thinks, “This guy doesn’t know the difference,” so he pours a shot of 2-year old scotch. The patron takes one sip and spits it out. He promptly hollers at the bartender, “I said 12-year old scotch, you bozo!”…

Two ducks walk into a bar… One duck looks at the other and says “Guess you didn’t see it either.”

A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender smiles and says “Hey, ya know we have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper stops and says “Really? You have a drink called Steve?”

Three men walked into a bar. They died

A man rushed into a bar and ordered a double martini. The man downed it with one swallow, put a five dollar bill on the bar, and turned and rushed out of the bar. The bartender picked up the five dollar bill, and folded it carefully and tucked it in his vest pocket. Just at…

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, a tub of cottage chesse, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, “What’s the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?” The man said, “We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn’t going to speak to me for a month.” The bartender said, “That…