bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn’t want anyone to steal his drink, so he puts a sign on it saying, “I spat in this beer, do not drink!” After a few minutes he returns and there is another…

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Indubitably Innovative Preliminary Proliferation Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Specificity British Constitution Passive-aggressive disorder Loquacious Tran-substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN YOU’RE DRUNK: Thanks, but I don’t want to have sex. Nope, no more booze for me.…

So my friend and I were talking (for real this time) at lunch and he told a joke. Him: So this kid found beer under his brother’s bed and before he went to school he drank like 5 bottles and was drunk. Then his teacher asked him what 7+7 was and he was like 302…

After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. “But sir,”…

There’s this drunk standing out on the street corner, and a cop passes by, and says, “What do you think you’re doing?” The drunk says, “I heard the world goes around every 24 hours, and I’m waiting on my house. Won’t be long now, there goes my neighbor.”

A South African, an Australian and an Englishman are all drinking in a bar. Suddenly, the South African downs the remainder of his drink, tosses his glass in the air, draws his pistol and shoots the glass. “In South Africa our glasses are so cheap that we don’t need to drink from the same ones…

A drunk is out drinking and he gets really wasted. He looks at the time and it’s 3 a.m. He screams and heads home before his wife screams at him. He tries to walk but he can’t. His legs won’t work. Figuring he’s too drunk to walk home he crawls. It was long and hard…

The secret to enjoying a good wine is: 1 – Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. 2 – When it does not breathe, give it mouth-to-mouth

A guy walks into a bar right at the top of the Grand Canyon. Another patron comes up to him and says “did you know the air currents in the canyon are so strong you can jump off and they pull you right back up?” “What?!” the man said “you must be drunk.” “No really,…

1. You’ve named that purple elephant that follows you everywhere. 2. Vision Imparment goggles don’t change anything. 3. You earn $30 by counting your money again. 4. You use your beer belly as a coffee table. 5. You fly home every night. 6. Your wife keeps telling you not to light the house on fire…

Two guys are out walking their dogs one day and decide to stop at a bar to get a drink. When they get there, however, there’s a sign on the door that says, “No Pets Allowed.” The guys are about to go home when one of them gets an idea. He tells his friend to…

A drunk man stumbles into the bar to the only other customer and asks if the man would buy him a drink. The second man says yes. They have a drink, and the first man decides to fill the quiet gap. He asks, “So where you from?” The second man replies, “Ireland.” The first man…