bar

A man walks out of a bar totally hammered, only to be greeted by a snobby woman. She takes one look at him. “You, sir, are drunk!” “And you ma’am, are ugly. But when I wake up, I will be sober!”

A girl walks into a bar and sits down with her friend. She is feeling down, so she talks to her friend. Her friend says “Go get a beer.” She says she didn’t want one. Then the friend says “Hey, who said it was for you?” copyright fox corp.

One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar, and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it in front of the reindeer, and accepted the twenty-dollar bill from the reindeer’s hoof. As he handed…

A man walks into a pub and sits down next to a man with a dog at his feet. “Does your dog bite?” “No.” A few minutes later the dog takes a huge chunk out of his leg. “I thought you said your dog didn’t bite!” the man says indignantly. “That’s not my dog.”

A man walks into a bar down in Alabama and orders a beer. The whole bar is looking at the man curiously as he sits down. The bartender looks at his nice suit and tie and asks him if he’s from around here. The man replies, “No sir, I’m from Pennslyvania.” The bartender asks the…

There were three men at a bar. One of them ducked and the other two fell down because they hit the bar.

A Good Samaritan was walking home late one night when he came upon this drunk on the sidewalk. Wanting to help, he asked the drunk, “Do you live here?” “Yep,” replied the drunk. “Would you like me to help you upstairs?” And again the drunk replied, “yep.” When they got up on the second floor,…

Our lager, Which art in barrels, Hallowed be thy drink. Thy will be drunk, I will be drunk, At home as it is in the tavern. Give us this day our foamy head, And forgive us our spillages, As we forgive those who spill against us. And lead us not to incarceration, But deliver us…

One day a man walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “Do you have any corn?” and the bartender says, “No, we only sell beer.” The next day the man walks into the bar again and asks for corn but this time the bartender says, “Hey, you are the guy that asked for corn…

After Great Britain’s Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided it would be fun to hit a pub in London and go out for a beer. The first sits down and says, “Hey, Senor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.” The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it…

A fellow decides to take off early from work and go drinking. He stays until the bar closes at 2 a.m., at which time he is extremely drunk. When he enters his house, he doesn’t want to wake anyone, so he takes off his shoes and starts tiptoeing up the stairs. Halfway up the stairs,…

A man walks into a bar and throws down a bet. 100 dollars to anyone who can do 100 pushups. A man disappears outside and returns minutes later. “I’ll take that bet” the man says, and collapses after 50 pushups. “I don’t get it”, he says,” I just did 150 outside!”