bar

bar Translations 1. “YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME.” (We won’t be here long enough to get another round.) 2. “I’LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU.” (Happy hour is about to end…drafts are now a dollar,but by the next round they’ll be $4.50 a pop.) 3. “HEY, WHERE IS…

A man is in a bar and falling off his stool every couple of minutes. He is obviously drunk. So the bartender says to another man in the bar: “Why don’t you be a good samaritan and take him home.” The man takes the drunk out the door, and to his car, and he stumbles…

Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. One of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, “Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken loser.” “Oh really? Hmm, didn’t know that.” Puzzled, the Englishman walked back to his buddies. “I told him St. Patrick…

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, “Your mom’s the best lay in town.” Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.…

A juggler who was driving to his next performance was stopped by the police. “What are those knives doing in your car?” asked the officer. “I juggle them in my act.” “Oh yeah?” says the cop. “Let’s see you do it.” So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees…

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he’s drinking it the monkey jumps around all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them, then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the…

A drunk phones the police. He yells, “Come quick! Thieves have stolen my dashboard, steering wheel, brake and gas pedal, and my dang radio!! MY RADIO!!” The police are just about to send out an officer when the drunk phones back. He says very calmly, “Sorry officers. It turns out I just got in my…

There’s this dyslexic guy… he walked into a bra…

So, this guy walks into a bar. And says, “ouch”.

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers…

A regular at Bob’s bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful. “Whoa, Sam!” said the bartender. “Who gave those beauties to you?” “Nojoke gave them to me,” said Sam. “I had to fight like crazy for both of them.”

Waiter, this lobster has only one claw. I’m sorry, sir. It must have been in a fight. Well, bring me the winner then.