children

A boy asked his mother what the word “shit” meant. The mother didn’t know what to say, so she said it meant “food”. Then he asked what the word “nigger” meant. She still did not know what to say, so she said “priest”. The last word he asked about was “fuck”. She really did not…

Teacher: John, why is your cat at school today? John: (crying)..I heard the milkman tell mom..”When the kid goes to school i’m gonna eat your pussy!”

A twelve-year-old boy received a journal as a birthday gift. He looked at it carefully, but was mystified. “Mom, what’s the deal with this book? All the pages are blank,” he asked. “That’s called a journal,” she explained. “You write down interesting stuff that happens to you.” His face brightened as he caught her drift.…

10) Getting six hours of sleep is a privilege. 9) The sentence, “Honey, could you take his foot out of my pocket?” sounds normal. 8) You are used to doing everything one-handed. 7) The thought of your mother-in-law coming over for a few hours is a pleasant one. 6) The list of bodily fluids that…

A little boy walked into a petshop and went up to a clerk. The boy asked if she had dachshunds in the store. The clerk said yes, and she went and got the dog out of the cage and handed it to him. He got all excited when he held it and immediately went to…

One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother: “Why is the bride dressed in white?” “Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life,” her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said:…

Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table. “Oh you’re so stupid!” shouted Dick. “Dick!” said their father, “That is enough! Now say you’re sorry!” “Okay,” said Dick, “I am sorry you’re stupid.”

Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow? Mom: What are they serving? Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease? Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn’t know you liked Swiss steak so much. Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.

Sometimes you have to take the test before you’ve finished studying. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. Making your bed is a waste of time. There is no…

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everyjoke was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, “I’ve never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why…

1. If I like it, it’s mine. 2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine. 5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I’m doing or…