children

Definitions For Parents ———————————————————– DUMB WAITER: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert. FAMILY PLANNING: The art of spacing your children the proper distance apart to keep you on the edge of financial disaster. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when the baby doesn’t appreciate the strained carrots. FULL NAME: What you call…

A kindergarden teacher had a pupil tell her he had found a frog. She inquired as to whether it was dead or alive. “Dead,” she was informed. “How do you know?” she asked. “Because I pissed in his ear,” said the child innocently. “You did WHAT?” squealed the teacher in surprise. “You know,” explained the…

“There is only one pretty child in the world and every parent has it.” – Chinese Proverb. A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school clothes. The best inheritance parents can give their children is a few minutes of their time each day.

Six-year old Angie and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who’s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,…

A number of Primary Schools were doing a project on “The Sea.” Kids were asked to draw pictures or write about their experiences. Teachers got together to compare the results and put together some of the comments that were funny and some that were sad. Here are some of them. The kids were all aged…

One day little Billy was walking past his mother’s room when he heard strange noises. He opened thecracked the door, and looked in. He saw his mother laying naked on the bed rubbing her hands all over her joke moaning “I need a man! I need a man!” A couple of days later as he…

Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven some day because I know my brother won’t be there. Stephen. Age 8, Chicago Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you moved it to Disneyland. Loreen. Age 9. Tacoma Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon where you said…

A father was at the beach with his children when his four-year-old daughter ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand. “Daddy, what happened to him?” the daughter asked. “He died and went to Heaven,” the dad replied. The little girl thought…

Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many mistakes in one day? Alfred: I get up early.

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day. “My name is Billy. What’s yours?” asked the first boy. “Tommy,” replied the second. “My Daddy’s an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?” asked Billy. Tommy replied, “My Daddy’s a lawyer.” “Honest?” asked…

A mom was wanting to get her boobs enlarged. Unfortunately for her, she didn’t have enough money to get it done. In fact, she had exactly half the money needed. She was telling her son, Little Benny, “Honey, Mommy really wants to get a boob job. But Mommy has only half the money.” She hung…

When a women found out that she was pregnant, she lit up the phone lines telling everyone the good news. One day, she took her 4 year old son, Sam, out shopping. A woman asked the boy if he was excited about the baby. “Yes,” he said. “I know what we’re going to name it.…