children

One day Tommy was sitting in class, the teacher came over and told him to go out in the hallway. He got mad and he didn’t move. Five minutes later, she came back over to him and tapped him on the shoulder. “I thought I told you to go out in the hallway.” “I did,”…

Matt’s dad picked him up from school one afternoon. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he’d gotten a part. “I play a man who’s been married for twenty years.” “That’s great, son. Keep up the…

Jerry: So you have both a nice mommy and a pretty mommy? Steve: Yup. They’re lesbians.

My 4 year old brother just had a birthday. At his birthday party he invited all his friends and a clown for the entertainment. The clown didn’t have too many options for entertaining 4 year olds, so he figured a nice game of Simon Says would be fun. “Simon says, ‘Point to your nose.’” The…

10. Likes people that oppress him: teachers, parents, principals, police, and authority figures. 9. Is overly enthusiastic about ‘Dungeons and Dragons’ and other role playing games. 8. Very familiar with megahertz, wears glasses and, can quote scripture. 7. Frequently speaks of martial arts, but still gets beaten up. 6. Says ‘Whom’ instead of ‘Who.’ 5.…

Librarian: “Please be quiet. The people next to you can’t read.” Boy: “What a shame! I’ve been reading since I was six.”

A little girl and her mother were out and about when, out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, “Mommy, How old are you?” The mother responded, “Honey, women don’t talk about their age. You’ll learn this as you get older.” The girl then asked, “Mommy, how much do you weigh?” Her mother responded…

Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words ‘defeat’, ‘deduct’, ‘defence’ and ‘detail’. Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply. “Defeat of Deduct went…

“Doctor, I’d like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son.” “OK: He’s most likely suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery.” “How can you say all that without even meeting him?” “I thought you said he’s 13?”

What is the difference between man and Superman? Man wears underwear under the trousers and Superman wears it over the trousers.

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. __________________________________________ TEACHER: John,why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor? JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables. __________________________________________ TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell “crocodile?” GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L”…

A little boy was watching a handyman at work on the upper story of a house. Suddenly the man drops a hammer, and comes down the ladder to retrieve it. The little boy calls out, “My daddy would have two hammers so he wouldn’t have to come the ladder when he dropped one.” The handyman…