children

Ok…so when I was little my parents would fight all the time. Is there any married couple in the world that doesn’t do this? Anyways, my mom hated paper towels. She just did. Especially the half-sized ones. Apparently there was no point in wasting a paper towel when you could use a dish towel. Quite…

Teacher: “Simon! What does it mean if the barometer falls?” Simon: “Err.. The nail’s come out of the wall, miss?”

“Wow,” said Joan after she saw that her friend got glasses. “You like my new glasses?”, asked Peter. “Yep. They make you look really smart.”, replied Joan. “I know. That’s what my mom said. That’s why I wear them in math class.”

There was once a boy born named Jeff. When Jeff was born, he only had a father, since his mother had died giving birth, and as a result, he was also an only child. His father looked at his new son, proud over his new baby’s good looks and wise looking appearance. The father had…

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out, and he picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree, that had been pressed between the pages. “Momma, look what I found,”…

A Sunday school teacher asked, “Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark?” “No,” replied Johnny. “How could he, with just two worms?”

Q: What’s red and goes up and down? A: A tomato in an elevator. Q: What did one tube of glue say to the other tube of glue? A: We have to stick together. Q: What do you say when you meet a two-headed monster? A: Hello, hello. Q: What do you call a sleeping…

A six-year-old boy came home from playing at his friend’s house and told his mother that he had broken a lamp when he threw a football. “It’s all right, mum,” he said, brightly; “you don’t have to buy them another! Charlie’s mum said it was irreplaceable!”

Teacher: Jimmy! Count from one all the way to ten! Jimmy: 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10. Teacher: Good, now what comes after that? Jimmy:Jack, queen and king!

Baby Brother Little Johnny’s new baby brother was screaming up a storm. He asked his mom, “Where’d we get him?” His mother says, “Heaven, Johnny.” Johnny says, “Geez, I can see why they threw him out.”

Why did the boy buy a new bum? Coz his had a crack in it.

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, “Mommy, I got five dollars!” The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied, “Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheels while he sat in the tree.” The mother…