children

When the second grader arrived home from school, she excitedly ran up to her mom and said, “Guess what we learned today, mommy? How to make babies.” Her mother was more than surprised, but did her best to remain calm. She knew that this day would come, but she had hoped it wouldn’t have been…

(A father is letting five kids make a complete mess of the restaurant. They’re ripping napkins and using it as confetti, breaking chopsticks and screaming their little heads off.) Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to tell them to stop doing that. They are disturbing the other customers.” Father: *beaming* “No.” Me:…

One day a father and his daughter were driving down the street when the father said, “Look! A bunny. Can you say bunny, bu-nny?” “Bunny!” the daughter replied. They suddenly felt the car go over a bump. Then the girl said, ” Daddy, its not a bunny anymore.” “What is it then?” he asked. The…

Coming home from his Little League game, Billy swung open the front door very excited. Unable to attend the game, his father immediately wanted to know what happened. ‘So, how did you do, son?’ he asked. ‘You’ll never believe it!’ Billy said. ‘I was responsible for the winning run!’ ‘Really? How’d you do that?’ ‘I…

Two five year-olds, one Jewish, the other Catholic, are playing in a sandpit. Sean says to David, “Our priest knows more about things than your rabbi!” To which David replies, “Of course he does, you tell him everything.”

One Sunday morning a little girl in her Sunday best was running so she wouldn’t be late for church. As she ran she kept praying, “Dear God, please don’t let me be late to church. Please don’t let me be late to church….” And, as she was running she tripped and fell. When she got…

A little girl was sat in science, when she wet herself. She goes to her teacher and says “I’ve wet myself”. The teacher asks “Why didn’t you put your hand up?” She replies “I did, but it just ran down my hand!”

Now here’s a classic joke that’s been told by many kids, that should be very well known . . . anyway, after you read this, it’s funny to try it on someone After every statement, say, “Behind the rock” 1. Billy went 2. He took off his shoes 3. He took off his socks 4.…

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, “My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING,” he announced triumphantly, “and she turned into a telephone pole!”

One day, Johnny saw his dad got caught on fire. Immeaditly he went to his mom saying, “Mom, mom hurry, dad’s on fire, and I brought the marshmellows!” Another day a lady came to the door asking for things for the old peoples fund. Johnny yelled from the doorway to his mom, “Hey mom, there’s…

Little johnny was heard praying in a loud voice a week before his birthday. “Dear God I pray that I will get a computer game for my birthday!” “Why are you shouting” asked his mother “God isn’t deaf?!?!?!?!?” “I know said Johnny, but grandma is!”

An elementary school teacher asked her students to write a truthful report on what they would do if they had a million dollars. There was only one student who recieved an A, and the rest failed for lying. This was the paper with the A: Johnny …