children

My mom had just placed some flypaper out when my little cousin wandered in. She was fascinated watching the flies get caught. Finally, my mom asked, “Molly, don’t you have flies in your house?” “Yeah, we have flies. We just don’t have anything for them to sit on.”

A boy was going to church on Sunday. His mom gave him $40 so that he could put $20 in the offering plate and use $20 to buy anything on the way. On his way to the church he lost the $40, so he went back to look for it. He found $20, then looked…

Little Johnny: “Hey, Daddy, Spot just ate Mom’s apple pie that was on the counter to cool off!” Dad: “Don’t worry, son. We’ll get you a new dog.”

A little boy walks into his parents’ room and sees his parents having sex. “And you smack me for sucking on my thumb, Mommy?!?”, the boy exclaims. A little boy asks his mom where babies come from. “Well from the stork,” Mom replies. “So then who fucks the stork?”, The kid asks.

“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade.” “Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?” “Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor.”

“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. “I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.” “Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher. “But you only have two ears.” “You see, sir? I’m no good at math, either.”

Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father? Boy: I don’t know. That’s what they’re fighting about!

My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “you don’t know Jack Schitt”. Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt…

Boy: Will you punish me for something I didn’t do? Teacher: Of course not! Boy: Good cause I didn’t do my homework!

At school, a boy was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, “I know the whole truth”. The boy decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by…

The following is based off a true story. In my high school english class our english teacher Ms. Simoff had given us homework to do and if we didn’t do it we wouldn’t be allowed to watch a movie. The next day my friend Jason came in and told the teacher that he did not…