children

As ham sandwiches go, it was perfection: a thick slab of ham on a fresh bun with crisp lettuce and plenty of expensive, light brown, gourmet mustard. The corners of my jaw aching in anticipation, I carried it to the table in our backyard, picked it up with both hands but was stopped by my…

One day a little boy was at kindergarten. The teacher told the class their homework was to find the first five letters of the alphabet. When the little boy got home he went to his older brother who was playing video games. “Big brother whats the first letter of the alphabet?”. His big brother then…

Q :whats the best thing about children? A :making them!!

Teacher: If you found five pence in one pocket and ten pence in the other,what would you have? Willy: Somejoke else’s trousers.

Some of the replies given by a group of five to seven year olds from New York State who were asked, “How are babies made?” “Mom makes babies with Dr. Roberts. I dunno how they do it.” “If a man and a woman love each other very, very much, the woman will grow a baby…

Before he left on a business trip, the father took his young son aside. “Terence, I’m trusting you to take care of the family while I’m gone. You’re going to be the man of the house.” Comprehending the gravity of the situation, Terence replied soberly, “In that case, I’m gonna need the remote.”

At Sunday School, they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny, a child in the kindergarten class, seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs. Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying as though he were ill, and said, “Johnny,…

A few months after his parents were divorced, Nick passed by his mom’s bedroom and saw her rubbing her joke and moaning, “I need a man, I need a man!” Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When…

Little johnny walked into a club where people were doing the macarena. He watched them for a while, and asked someone: “What are you guys doing? Searching for your wallets?”

Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith, the Sunday School teacher, smiling sweetly said, “Bobby, when I was a child I was told if that I made ugly an face, it would freeze and I would stay like that.” Bobby looked up and replied, “Well, Ms. Smith, you…

One day when Jimmy was at school, the teacher told him that for his homework he had to write out the first three letters of the alphabet. When he went home he was struggling so decided to ask his mum. His mum was in the kitchen cutting the salad when he asked her “Mum, what…

1) Thou shall not sneak out when parents are sleeping. (why wait that long) 2) Thou shall not do drugs. (alcohol lasts longer, not to mention being cheaper.) 3) Thou shall not steal from K-Mart. (Walmart has a bigger selection) 4) Thou shall not be arrested for vandalism. (destruction has a bigger effect, I can…