children

A man was helping one of his cows give birth, when he noticed his 4-year-old son standing wide-eyed at the fence, soaking in the whole event. The man thought, “Great…he’s 4 and I’m gonna have to start explaining the birds and bees. No need to jump the gun – I’ll just let him ask, and…

The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account. “The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store,” his mother said. “Oh good,” he replied, “Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!”

TEACHER: Why are you late? L-JOHNY: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? L-JOHNY: “School Ahead, Go Slow.” TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water? L-JOHNY: “HIJKLMNO”!! TEACHER: What are you talking about? L-JOHNY: Yesterday you only said it’s H to O!!!! TEACHER: “George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but…

Gregory was a boy who was always beaten up by a bully who everyone called: “The Demon”. Everyday, “The Demon” would punch Gregory in the stomach without any warning. And Gregory always got a stomachache. Now, Gregory wasn’t very smart. He often confused things with other things and ended up in trouble. But Gregory didn’t…

Teacher: Oscar, if you had five pieces of candy, and Joey asked for one, how many would you have left? Oscar: Five.

Dear Mom and Dad, Our scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two of our sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily none us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking…

A pregnant woman was taking a shower and her three year old daughter said,”Mommy, you’re getting fat!”And the mother replied,”That because a baby is growing in my tummy.”To which the daughter said,”Yeah,but what’s growing in you butt?”

The gas station was located on a main highway leading to the beach so the pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to fill up. When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and seven screaming children pulled into his station, the…

Child: “Teacher! I can’t find my boots!” Teacher: “Are you sure?” Child: “Yes! There is only one pair left, and it’s not mine!” Teacher:”Are you sure?” Child:” Definitely! Mine had snow on them!”

A mother was working in the kitchen listening to her 5 year old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, “All of you sons of bitches who want off, get the hell off now… cause this is the last stop! And all…

A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. “Professionally employed?” he asked. “We’re a military family,” the wife answered. “Children?” “Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve,” she answered proudly. “animals?” “Oh, no,” she said earnestly. “They’re very well behaved.”

One Sunday morning, as was his custom, the pastor of a small church had all the children come up front for a brief children’s church. He enjoyed asking the children various questions, and hearing their answers. On this particular morning, he noticed little Susie feeling a bit shy, so he leans over to her and…