children

Timmy was a little five year old boy that his Mom loved very much and, being a worrier, she was concerned about him walking to school when he started Kindergarten. She walked him to school a couple of days but when he came home one day, he told his mother that he did not want…

A young boy called to his mother from the yard, “Mom, would you rather me fall out of a tree and break my arm or just tear a hole in my Sunday slacks?” “Well,” she replied, “I guess I’d pray that you just ripped your pants.” The kid yells back, “Your prayers have been answered!”

Little Bobby was spending the weekend with his grandmother, after a particularly trying week in kindergarten. His grandmother decided to take him to the park on Saturday morning. It had been snowing all night, and everything was beautiful. His grandmother remarked,”Doesn’t it look like an artist painted this scenery? Did you know God painted this…

My mom had just placed some flypaper out when my little cousin wandered in. She was fascinated watching the flies get caught. Finally, my mom asked, “Molly, don’t you have flies in your house?” “Yeah, we have flies. We just don’t have anything for them to sit on.”

A boy was going to church on Sunday. His mom gave him $40 so that he could put $20 in the offering plate and use $20 to buy anything on the way. On his way to the church he lost the $40, so he went back to look for it. He found $20, then looked…

Little Johnny: “Hey, Daddy, Spot just ate Mom’s apple pie that was on the counter to cool off!” Dad: “Don’t worry, son. We’ll get you a new dog.”

A little boy walks into his parents’ room and sees his parents having sex. “And you smack me for sucking on my thumb, Mommy?!?”, the boy exclaims. A little boy asks his mom where babies come from. “Well from the stork,” Mom replies. “So then who fucks the stork?”, The kid asks.

“Doctor, please hurry. My son swallowed a razor blade.” “Don’t panic, I’m coming immediately. Have you done anything yet?” “Yeah, I shaved with the electric razor.”

“It’s no good, sir,” said the hopeless pupil to his English teacher. “I try to learn, but everything you say goes in both ears and out the other.” “Goes in both ears and out the other?” asked the puzzled teacher. “But you only have two ears.” “You see, sir? I’m no good at math, either.”

Cop to boy: Which of the two fighting in the street is your father? Boy: I don’t know. That’s what they’re fighting about!

My grandfather always said, “Don’t watch your money; watch your health.” So one day while I was watching my health, someone stole my money. It was my grandfather.

Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says “you don’t know Jack Schitt”. Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt…