children

A policeman caught a nasty little boy, with a penknife in one hand and a squirrel in the other. “Now listen here,” the policeman said. “Whatever you do to that poor, defenseless creature, I shall personally do to you” “In that case,” said the boy, “I’ll kiss it on the forehead and let it go”

Little Nancy was in the backyard filling in a hole when her neighbour peered over the fence. Interested in what the girl was up to he asks, “What are you up to there Nancy?” “My goldfish died,” replied Nancy tearfully, without looking up, “and I’ve just buried him.” The neighbour was concerned, “That’s an awfully…

A mother was reading a book about animals to her 3 year old daughter: Mother: “What does the cow say?” Child: “Moooo!” Mother: “Great! What does the cat say?” Child: “Meow.” Mother: “Oh, you’re so smart! What does the frog say?” The wide-eyed little three-year-old looked up at her mother and replied, Child: “Bud.”

A first-grade teacher, Ms Brooks was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, “Harry what is your problem?” Harry answered, “I’m too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third -grade and I’m smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third-grade too!” Ms Brooks had enough.…

Once,there was a teacher and a girl named Wendy.The teacher asked for Wendy to say a sentence starting with the word I. So wendy started to say I is….Then the teacher said, “No Wendy, it is I am.” So Wendy said, “I am the ninth letter if the alphabet.”

Teacher: Alvin, how many letters are in the alphabet? Alvin: 18. Teacher: Wrong, there are 26. Alvin: No, teacher, there used to be 26, but ET went home in a UFO and the CIA went after him.

A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, “What’ve you got in your truck?” “Fertilizer,” the farmer replied. “What are you going to do with it?” asked the little boy. “Put it on strawberries,” answered the farmer. “You…

The kindergarten teacher is trying to explain to her class the definition of the word “definitely” to them. To make sure the students have a good understanding of the word, she asks them to use it in a sentence. When called upon the first student says, “The sky is definitely blue.” The teacher said, “Well,…

There was a little boy who had just learned to count on his fingers. One day his uncle came to visit and the boy was anxious to show off his newly acquired skill. He told the uncle to ask him an addition question. So the uncle asked, “What is three plus four?” The little boy…

Here are some cute things kids thought up when asked to write about the moon (all the spelling mistakes are original!) The moon is a saterlight. A long time ago a big object hit the Moon and some of the moon fell off. If u look through a telliscope you can see big holes. There…

A teacher is instructing her fourth grade class, and she’s telling them that the word of the day is ‘contagious.’ She asks if anyone can use this word in a sentence, and several students raise their hands. “Carl,” she says. Carl says, “My dad told me to stay away from kids with mumps, ’cause they’re…

Little Johnny was playing with his father’s wallet when he accidently swallowed a quarter. He went crying to his mom, choking on the quarter. They took him to a doctor, who said that the quarter was impossible to remove without surgery, they consulted a specialist who was of the same opinion. Then came a man…