children

There once were two babies both in the same room, with their cribs next to each other. After their mom tucked the babies in for sleep, one baby went to the other baby and said, “I can tell if you are a girl or a boy.” The other baby said, “OK, what am I then?”…

Little Johnny is approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. “You’re not allowed to pee in the pool,” says the lifeguard. “I’m going to report you.” “But everyone pees in the pool,” whined Little Johnny. “Maybe,” answered the lifeguard, “but not from the diving board!”

A middle school student was working at a shop for his after-school job. He had on a Dairy Queen shirt. A kindergarten student walked up to him and said, “Wow, I have 3 of those shirts! You must be cheap!”

A little boy went to the bathroom at school, but when he went to wipe his bum, there was no toilet paper so he used his hands. When he got back to class, his teacher asked him what he had in his hands. “A little leprechaun and if I open my hand he’ll get scared…

Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. “Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives…

The main purpose of holding children’s parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

Little Johnny’s 2nd grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet. “Johnny,” she says, “what comes after ‘O’?” Johnny says, “Yeah!”

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?” After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess…

It was Father’s Day, and Little Billy’s mom told him to tell his dad to just lay around, watch TV, and do nothing productive. So Little Billy went into the family room where he found his dad watching TV. Little Billy said, “Dad, it’s Father’s Day, so mom and me think that you should just…

My kids love going to the Web, and they keep track of their passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. Their Disney password was “GoofyMickeyMinniePluto” and I asked why it was so long. “Because,” my son explained, “they said it had to have at least four characters.”

CONFIDENTIAL OPINIONS ABOUT LOVE “I’m in favor of love as long as it doesn’t happen when ‘Dinosaurs’ is on television.” Jill, age 6. “Love is foolish…..but I might try it sometime.” Floyd, age 9. “Yesterday I kissed a girl in a private place…we were behind a tree.” Carey, age 7. THE PERSONAL QUALITIES YOU NEED…

Have you ever asked your child a question too many times? Johnny a three-year-old had a lot of problems with potty training and his mother was with him constantly. One day they stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying her…