children

Six-year-old Jerry came downstairs bellowing lustily. “What’s the matter?” asked his mother. “Papa was hanging pictures, and he just hit his thumb with a hammer,” said Jerry. “That’s not so serious,” soothed his mother. “A big man like you shouldn’t cry at a trifle like that. Why didn’t you just laugh?” “I did,” sobbed Jerry.

When my pap was younger, his family didn’t have much money. One year for Christmas, his mother cut a hole in the front of his underwear so he would have something to play with.

A British girl recently moved to the United States and their home was near the Colorado River in Texas. The English teacher asked the kids to write about their home and neighborhood. The British girl wrote “My home is near the Colourado River.” as part of her work.

Molly wrote a letter to Santa Claus one day. Dear Santa, Please give me a Workout barbie and a new milkman because he is sleeping with Mommy. Love, Molly

The teacher asked little Andy if he knew his numbers yet. “Yes, teacher,” he said, “my dad taught me.” “Good, Andy. Tell me what comes after two,” the teacher said. “Three,” replied Andy. “Very good. What comes after five, Andy?” asked the teacher. “Six,” answered Andy. “Excellent. Your dad did a very good job. Now,…

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children’s books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a “Contract” for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who…

Now, my brother ALWAYS daydreams. He just can’t help it. He also likes getting me to feel bad. I just got a new IPod and my brother says whenever I put it in my ears that i have turned into a zombie. When we were out for a bike ride down through the park he…

BOB: Have you changed the water in the fish bowl yet? MARGE: No, it hasn’t drunk the water I gave it a week ago.

Miss Jones had been giving her second-grade students a lesson on science. She had explained about magnets and showed how they would pick up nails and other bits of iron. Now it was question time, and she asked, “My name begins with the letter ‘M’ and I pick up things. What am I?” A little…

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor. “Are you my doctor?” he asked. “Yes, I am.” The baby said, “Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth.” He looked at his mother and asked, “Are you my…

A man came back from a long business trip to find that his son had a new $300 mountain bike. “How’d you get that, son?” “By hiking.” “Hiking?” “Yeah, every night, Mom’s boss came over and gave me $20 to take a hike.”

Little Johnny and Susie were only 10 years old, but they just knew that they were in love. One day they decided that they wanted to get married, so Johnny went to Susie’s father to ask him for her hand. Johnny bravely walked up to him and said “Mr. Smith, me and Susie are in…