children

Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop. “Jimmy,” she said, “You’d better stop biting your fingernails. If you don’t, then those fingernails will pile…

What’s the difference between boogers and broccoli? Kids don’t eat broccoli.

I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell, so I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them…

A small boy was looking at the red ripe tomatoes growing in the farmer’s garden. “I’ll give you my two pennies for that tomato,” said the boy pointing to a beautiful, large, ripe fruit hanging on the vine. “No,” said the farmer, “I get a dime for a tomato like that one.” The small boy…

One day, Little Johnny and his family went for a walk they saw two dogs having sex, girl on top of boy. Johnny didn’t know much about sex, so his parents didn’t say anything. Later that night, Johnny’s parents were having sex and Johnny walked in on them. Before his parent’s could say anything, Johnny…

One day, a teacher at an elementary school asks one of her students how clouds form. She replied “I’m not sure how clouds form, but the clouds know how to form, and that’s the important thing….”

Grey hair is hereditary – you get it from your kids.

There were 3 boys named trouble, jackass, and manners. They were playing a game of hide and seek. Trouble was counting, manners was hid up in a tree, and jackass was hiding behind the same tree. A police man walks over to jackass and says “I’ll give you a lollipop if you tell me your…

SON SAYS: Daddy, how was I born? DAD SAYS: Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cybercafe. We sneaked into a secluded room,…

One evening, a little boy and his family were having supper at his grandma’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When he received his plate, the little guy began eating right away. “Wait until we a say a prayer,” his mother admonished. ” I don’t have to,” he…

Bill and Bob were mischievous brothers. They always picked fights with each other. One day, their mother told them to go outside and play, but to remember to be good. Suddenly, Bob came running back in and said, “Mommy! Mommy! Bill broke Ms. Allen’s window!” Ms. Allen was their next door neighbor. Their mom was…

HOW DO PEOPLE IN LOVE TYPICALLY BEHAVE? “When a person gets kissed for the first time, they fall down and they don’t get up for at least an hour.” Wendy, age 8. “Mooshy…like puppy dogs…except puppy dogs don’t wag their tails nearly as much.” Arnold, age 10. “All of a sudden, the people get movies…