children

Dick and Jane were arguing over the breakfast table. “Oh you’re so stupid!” shouted Dick. “Dick!” said their father, “That is enough! Now say you’re sorry!” “Okay,” said Dick, “I am sorry you’re stupid.”

Kid: Mom, can i get the hot lunch tomorrow? Mom: What are they serving? Kid: Swiss steak. Pleeeeeease? Mom: Okay! Okay! I didn’t know you liked Swiss steak so much. Kid: Oh, yeah! It sticks to the ceiling WAY better than the lasagna.

Sometimes you have to take the test before you’ve finished studying. If you want a kitten, start out asking for a horse. Picking your nose when no one else is looking is still picking your nose. Just keep banging until someone opens the door. Making your bed is a waste of time. There is no…

The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everyjoke was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, “I’ve never seen anything like this before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why…

1. If I like it, it’s mine. 2. If it’s in my hand, it’s mine. 3. If I can take it from you, it’s mine. 4. If I had it a little while ago, it’s mine. 5. If it’s mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way. 6. If I’m doing or…

Little Johnny’s father asked him, “Do you know about the birds and the bees?” “I don’t want to know!” little Johnny said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong. “Oh dad,” Little Johnny sobbed, “At age six I got the ‘there’s no Santa’ speech. At age seven I got the…

Here are some things learned in MY lifetime: 1) If you want something very bad and your parents won’t let you, give them a lower lip, blink your eyes really fast, and say please 3,000 times until they crack. 2) NEVER ask your dad about Shakespeare or Math homework, unless you want a 5 hour…

The children in the Sunday school class were asked by their teacher to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. When she looked at little Ricky’s picture, she was puzzled to see that he had drawn four people in an airplane, so she asked him which story it represented. Little Ricky replied, “That’s the Flight…

I had been teaching my three-year old daughter, Caitlin, the Lord’s Prayer. For several evenings, at bedtime, she would repeat after me the lines from the prayer. Finally, she decided to go solo. I listened with pride as she carefully enunciated each word, right up to the end of the prayer: “Lead us not into…

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa. When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa’s room. “Grampa, Grampa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!” “What?” said his…

Two children were in a doctor’s waiting room. The little girl was softly sobbing. “Why are you crying?” asked the little boy. “I’m here for a blood test, and they’re going to cut my finger,” said the girl. When he heard this, the little boy started to cry. “Why are you crying?” asked the girl.…

Johnny comes home from school, and shouts, “Mother!” Mother calls from upstairs, “If you wish to speak to me, come upstairs so you don’t have to shout.” When Johnny gets upstairs, she says, “Now, what did you want to say to me?” “Just that I trod in some dog do, but it seems to have…