children

A teacher decides to have Career Day in her class. She asks each student to tell the class what their father’s job is, spell it, and then explain what they do. Mary stands up and says, “My father is a policeman. P -O-L-I-C-E-M-A-N. He puts bad people in jail and keeps us all safe.” Sue…

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, “Mom, what’s sex?” His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had…

All the little rascals sat down for class, and the teacher decided to start off the day with a spelling quiz. The teacher first asked Darla, “Darla, can you spell dumb?” “D-u-m-b,” said Darla The teacher then said, “Can you use it in a sentence?” “Buckwheat is dumb.” “Okay, can you spell stupid?” said the…

Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots ! Student: Yes it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like that at home

While his mother was having a consultation with the doctor, Little Johnny could be heard terrorizing the people in the waiting room, yet she made no attempt to restrain him. A few minutes later, they heard some clattering in an adjoining room, but still she did nothing. Finally, after an extra-loud crash, she casually said…

A group of young children was sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. “Davy, what noise does a cow make?” “It goes moo.” “Alice, what noise does a cat make?” “It goes meow.” “Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?” “It goes baaa.” “Jennifer, what…

The social studies teacher had just completed a lesson on war and peace. “How many of you,” the teacher asked, “would say you’re opposed to war?” Not surprisingly, every student in the class raised their hand. “Who would like to give us their reason for being opposed to war?” asked the teacher. Little Johnny, sitting…

Child 1: Whatcha gonna do? Child 2: I’m gonna watch TV! Child 1: Guess what? I’m the QUEEN of the TV Freaks!

There was a child named Laura. She asked her mom what the hardest report she ever had to do was. Her mom said, “It was to write an essay on the belly of a frog.” Laura said, “Wow!!How did you get the frog in to the typewriter?”

What’s worse than 10 babies in one dumpster? 1 baby in 10 dumpsters.

“We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.” -Phyllis Diller

1. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. 2. A 3-year-old is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant. 3. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite. 4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong…