college

A professor stood before his class of twenty senior organic biology students, about to hand out the final exam. “I want to say that it’s been a pleasure teaching you this semester. I know you’ve all worked extremely hard and many of you are off to medical school after summer. So that no one gets…

Premise I: Knowledge is power. Premise II: Power corrupts. Conclusion: Therefore, knowledge corrupts.

Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes, and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for a unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the table and cuts one of its leg. Then he said “Walk”. The cockroach moves forward. Then…

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: “Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that…

Students… Take Note: Knowledge is power … But power corrupts … And corruption is a crime … And crime doesn’t pay … So if you keep on studying you’ll go broke!

What’s the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains? The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.

Super Agility: “Oh look, a bullet. Better dodge that!” *mega-jump!* Bulletproof: “Oh look, a bullet. Meh, who cares?” Super Smart: “Eureka! A Bullet! It going 60 MPH will hit me in 5 seconds if it contacts, but there is only a 1 in 7 chance it will hit me, the decimal being 0.1428571429 to the…

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”. (At Least for the Male profs.) 4. Address the…

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader. We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse. By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep. If conditions…

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren’t necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should…

Man: “How’s your history paper coming?” Woman: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.” Man: “Really?” Woman: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”

Music Teacher: Anyone has a suggestion to which song we should play next? Johnny: How ’bout we sing ‘The Teacher is A Big Fat Bitch. . .in C-Minor?’