college

What’s the difference between the teacher and the one who minds trains? The teacher trains minds, the other minds trains.

Super Agility: “Oh look, a bullet. Better dodge that!” *mega-jump!* Bulletproof: “Oh look, a bullet. Meh, who cares?” Super Smart: “Eureka! A Bullet! It going 60 MPH will hit me in 5 seconds if it contacts, but there is only a 1 in 7 chance it will hit me, the decimal being 0.1428571429 to the…

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board. 2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook. 3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters “CHECK YOUR FLY”. (At Least for the Male profs.) 4. Address the…

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader. We believe that the reptiles came from the amphibians by spontaneous generation and study of rocks. English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse. By self-pollination, the farmer may get a flock of long-haired sheep. If conditions…

1. Avoid alliteration. Always. 2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. 3. Employ the vernacular. 4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary. 6. Remember to never split an infinitive. 7. Contractions aren’t necessary. 8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 9. One should…

Man: “How’s your history paper coming?” Woman: “Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research, and it’s been very helpful.” Man: “Really?” Woman: “Yes! I’ve already located 17 people who sell them!”

Music Teacher: Anyone has a suggestion to which song we should play next? Johnny: How ’bout we sing ‘The Teacher is A Big Fat Bitch. . .in C-Minor?’

Are you a technical geek? Do you have a problem with overdoing your technical activities? Many do. Take the following test to see if you are compulsive. If you can relate to 2 of the items, you may have a problem with Techno-Dweeb. If you relate to 3 or more, you are definitely a Techno-Dweeb.…

Here is a collection of freshman history bloopers collected by a Canadian history professor (Anders Henrickson) over the years. During the Middle Ages, everyjoke was middle aged. Church and state were cooperatic. Middle Evil society was made up of monks, lords and surfs. It is unfortunate that we do not have a medivel European laid…

You believe the staff room should be equipped with a Valium salt lick. You find humor in other people’s stupidity. You want to slap the next person who says “Must be nice to work 8 to 3:20 and have summers free.” You believe chocolate is a food group. You can tell if it’s a full…

Teacher: What is the axis of the earth? Student: The axis of the earth is an imaginary line which passes from one pole to the other, and on which the earth revolves. Teacher: Very good. Now, could you hang clothes on that line? Student: Yes, Sir. Teacher: Indeed, and what sort of clothes? Student: Imaginary…

In the university, the lecturers were entering their classes. Meanwhile, the students were doing their own stuff. When the lecturer said,”Class, attention please!” all of them still did something else. Of course they didn’t pay attention because the lecturer asked the CLASS to pay attention!