college

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den. “What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked. “That is the talking clock,” the man replied. “How’s it work?” “Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear…

One day our professor was discussing a particularly complicated concept. A pre-med student rudely interrupted to ask, “Why do we have to learn this pointless information?” “To save lives,” the professor responded quickly and continued the lecture. A few minutes later, the same student spoke up again. “So how does physics save lives?” he persisted.…

Some oxygen molecules help fires burn while others help make water, so sometimes it’s brother against brother. In looking at a drop of water under a microscope, we find there are twice as many H’s as O’s. Clouds are high-flying fogs. Clouds just keep circling the earth around and around. And around. There is not…

A well-endowed university student was always being teased by her sorority sisters for being a size 36DD. One night, at a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. “I’ll have a diet soda, please,” she replied. “Oh, you must be the double D,” he said. Furious, the girl wondered…

1. Only raise your hand when you want to sharpen your pencil or go to the bathroom. Repeat every ten minutes. 2. Never raise your hand when you want to answer a question; instead, yell, “Ooooh! Oooh! Oooh!” and then, when the teacher calls on you, say, “I forgot what I was going to say.”…

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my Social Studies class; it would seem so much longer.

A man goes to school and learns stuff.

Teacher: The weather here is too bad. The winter is too cold, and the summer is too hot. Fortunately, I have an air condition in my room. Oh, do you have air condition in your dorm? Students: (laughing) No way. Teacher: At least you can use a fan, can’t you? Students: (upset) No way! The…

A student of proctology is in the morgue one day after classes, wanting to get a little practice in before the final exams.He goes over to a table where a joke is lying face down. He uncovers the sheet over the joke, and to his surprise he finds a cork in the corpse’s rectum. Figuring…

Teacher: Paul, what is the chemical formula of water? Paul: H,I,J,K,L,M,N,O Teacher: What is this? Paul: Well, you said it is H2O! ——————————————————- Teacher : Mike, get up! How can you sleep in my class? Mike : I can Mr, if you keep your voice down. ———————————————————– Teacher : Where does God live? Little boy…

My college doesn’t allow pets in my dorm, so when I got a kitten I had the guys in my dorm refer to him as “the Book” to avoid suspicion. One morning, as I carried the kitten out to my car in a crate, my girlfriend stopped me and asked, “where are you taking the…

Every (Bad) Crowd Has A Silver Lining (When I was in college, I used to work in the cafeteria. On this day, two girls are making fun of a third.) Mean Girl #1: “Oooooh, a hamburger? So much for that diet.” Mean Girl #2: “Are you kidding? She’s never been on a diet in her…