college

  • Priorities of Life

    A philosophy professor stood before his class with some items in front of him. When the class began, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, approximately two inches in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full and they agreed that it was.…

  • The Lord is My Shepherd

    The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not flunk; He keepeth me from lying down when I should be studying. He leadeth me beside the water cooler for a study break; He restoreth my faith in study guides. He leads me to better study habits For my grades sake. Yea, though I walk through the…

  • Test

    Gary: I don’t think I deserve a zero on this test. Teacher: I agree, but it’s the lowest mark I can give you.

  • There IS Such a Thing As a Stupid Question

    There once was a college professor who didn’t buy into the whole “there’s no such thing as a stupid question” philosophy. Every year when he had a new class he instructed the students to ask him as many stupid questions as they could think of on the first day. That way, he figured, there’d be…

  • Composition

    Teacher to student: “I just read the composition on ‘My House’ that you had submitted.” Student: “Yes, is there anything wrong?” Teacher: “No. It was excellent. It was exactly the same composition that your older brother submitted last year.” Student: “Well…we live in the same house…”

  • Fun Things to Do At School (NOT a Duplicate!)

    I thought up ALL OF THEESE. I am NOT duplicating anyone (except for 15 and 14, from the American ‘Whose Line is it anyway?’) So if you want a good “Fun things” and you don’t want to keep seeing duplicates, read on. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 1.When the math teacher asks you a question, purposely answer incorrectly. Persist.…

  • Infinity Omega

    If 1/(x-8) approaches ∞ as x approaches 8 from above, then will 1/(x-3) approach ω as x approaches 3 from above?

  • Professor’s Definition of a Kiss

    Professors of different subjects define the same word in different ways: Prof. of Computer Science: A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte. Prof. of Algebra: A kiss is two divided by nothing. Prof. of Geometry: A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines. Prof. of Physics: A kiss…

  • How Does It Work?

    An Engineering Major says “How does it work?” A Science Major says “Why does it work?” An Accounting Major says “How much will it cost?” A Liberal Arts Major says “Do you want fries with that?”

  • I Wish I Had Known:

    That I would never watch the news, and I would be totally out of touch with the world happenings. That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. That I could change so much and barely realize it. That college kids throw airplanes too. That you can know everything and…

  • First Delivery

    “What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when, Brett, a college boy delivered his pizza. “Well,” Brett continued, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks,” Brett…

  • 1/cabin

    What’s the integral of 1/cabin? A natural log cabin. No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the c!