college

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head. 2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out “In da’ house!” 3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting. 4. Every study group you join gets fed up with…

TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”? JOHN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L.” TEACHER: No, that’s wrong. JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

To help students remember the word for “wear” in Latin, the professor used the phrase: semper ubi, sub ubi Translation: Always wear under wear.

‘Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last-minute knowledge. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own room, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His…

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep the entire store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I…

It was late in the evening and I was studying in the university library’s reading room. It was in the middle of final exams, so the library was a hectic place with students milling around everywhere. I was sitting at my desk with my pile of books and felt the need for a nap before…

You Know You’ve Been In College Too Long When… * You consider McDonald’s “real food.” * You actually like doing laundry at home. * 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends. * It starts getting late on the weeknights. * Two miles is not too far to walk for a party. * You wear…

A lecturing teacher noticed a lack of enthusiasm in her class. Few were paying attention so she decided to make an announcement, “The person to answer this next question gets to go home.” The students were all brought to attention and a buzz went over the room. Suddenly, a male student grabbed his bag nd…

After failing his “Logistics and Organization” exam, a student confronted his professor. “Sir, do you understand anything about this subject?” “Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!” “Really? Then allow me to ask you one question. If you answer it correctly, I’ll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don’t…

A not necessarily well-prepared college student sat in his life science classroom, staring at a question on the final exam paper. The question directed “Give four advantages of breast milk.” What to write?” He sighed, and began to scribble whatever came into his head, hoping for the best: 1. No need to boil. 2. Never…

The farmer and his wife had worked hard, they scrimped and saved to send their son to college. As soon as he had enrolled, he started to grow a beard. Next he grew a large mustache and sideburns. Being pleased with his new hirsute adornment, he had his picture taken and sent it off to…

If only DEAD people understand hexadecimal, how many people understand hexadecimal? 57005.