college

A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his…

A visitor to a certain college paused to admire the new Hemingway Hall that had been built on campus. “It’s a pleasure to see a building named for Ernest Hemingway,” he said. “Actually,” said his guide, “it’s named for Joshua Hemingway. No relation.” The visitor was astonished. “Was Joshua Hemingway a writer, also?” “Yes, indeed,”…

A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. “Justin,” he asked, “which company has the slogan, ‘come fly the friendly skies’?” Justin answered the correct airline. “Sandra, can you tell me which company has the slogan, “Don’t leave home without it?” Sandra…

The dean of a women’s college, addressing her charges, concluded, “…and remember, young ladies, you represent not only your own honor but that of the school. When approached by young men, ask yourself: Is an hour’s pleasure worth a lifetime of disgrace? Now, are there any questions?” A young lady immediately raised her hand and…

The tourist had lost his way on a back road and stopped at the farmhouse to ask if he could be put up for the night. “Well, we’re a mighty crowded, since there’s already someone in the spare room” replied the farmer. “But I guess you can stay if you don’t mind sharing the bed…

1. With a little effort, you could pull the bags under your eyes over your head. 2. When the professor calls out your name during attendance, you rhythmically cry out “In da’ house!” 3. Your dirty laundry has become the closest thing to wall-to-wall carpeting. 4. Every study group you join gets fed up with…

TEACHER: John, how do you spell “crocodile”? JOHN: “K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L.” TEACHER: No, that’s wrong. JOHN: Maybe it’s wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!

To help students remember the word for “wear” in Latin, the professor used the phrase: semper ubi, sub ubi Translation: Always wear under wear.

‘Twas the night before finals, And all through the college, The students were praying For last-minute knowledge. Out in the taverns, A few were still drinking, And hoping that liquor Would loosen their thinking. In my own room, I had been pacing, And dreading exams I soon would be facing. My roommate was speechless, His…

A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, “Your first job will be to sweep the entire store.” “But I’m a college graduate,” the young man replied indignantly. “Oh, I’m sorry. I…

It was late in the evening and I was studying in the university library’s reading room. It was in the middle of final exams, so the library was a hectic place with students milling around everywhere. I was sitting at my desk with my pile of books and felt the need for a nap before…

You Know You’ve Been In College Too Long When… * You consider McDonald’s “real food.” * You actually like doing laundry at home. * 4:00 AM is still early on the weekends. * It starts getting late on the weeknights. * Two miles is not too far to walk for a party. * You wear…