college

That I would never watch the news, and I would be totally out of touch with the world happenings. That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. That I could change so much and barely realize it. That college kids throw airplanes too. That you can know everything and…

“What’s the usual tip?” a man growled when, Brett, a college boy delivered his pizza. “Well,” Brett continued, “this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I’d be doing great.” “Is that so?” grunted the man. “In that case, here’s five dollars.” “Thanks,” Brett…

What’s the integral of 1/cabin? A natural log cabin. No, a houseboat – you forgot to add the c!

Why do mathematicians always confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because 31 Oct = 25 Dec.

Once, a barber found two MIT students wanting to buy his barber pole. They offered a good price for it, so the barber sold it to them. So – these two guys drove around all day in a pickup truck carrying the barber pole. They kept getting stopped by the police, who were sure they…

A police car pulled me over near the high school where I teach. As the officer asked for my license and registration, my students began to drive past. Some honked their horns, others hooted, and still others stopped to admonish me for speeding. Finally the officer asked me if I was a teacher at the…

Jerry, a college freshman, was sitting in his English class. His teacher noticed that he wasn’t paying attention, so asked to see him after class. Jerry went up to the teacher’s desk, and waited while the teacher was talking to a attractive freshman girl. When he was done, he said, “Jerry, why weren’t you paying…

Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about 50 years by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known as “Bonkistry”. He has been around forever, so I wouldn’t put it past him to come up with something like this. Anyway, one year there were these two guys who were taking Chemistry and…

During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. “Now I’m dropping this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?” “No, sir,” a student called out. “No?” queried the professor. “Perhaps you can explain why the silver coin won’t dissolve.” “Because if it would, you wouldn’t have dropped it…

A dozen, a gross, and a score Plus three times the square root of four Divided by seven Plus five times eleven Is nine squared and not a bit more.

It was the first day of college, and time for the usual ‘authoritative declaration of the not to be broken rules’. The principal, in typical intimidating fashion, addressed the students: “The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students. The male dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all the female students”. The principal, sensing he…

“Dear Mother and Dad, It has been three months now since I left for college. I have been remiss in writing and I am very sorry for my thoughtlessness in not writing before. I will bring you up to date now, but before you read on, please sit down. You are not to read further…