gross

“Emily, I don’t know what to do,” Gloria said to her friend at work. “That good-looking Alan in accounting asked me out for Saturday night. Should I go?” “Oh, my gosh,” her friend exclaimed. “He’ll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he’ll rip off…

“Sixty is the worst age to be,” said the 60 year-old man. “You always feel like you have to pee and most of the time you stand there and nothing happens.” “Ah, that’s nothin,” said the 70-year-old. “When you’re seventy, you don’t have a bowel movement any more. You take laxatives, eat bran, sit on…

A man walks into a hotel and asks for a room. The guy behind the counter tells him that there is one room left but it is haunted. The man gets the room anyway. That night he hears in a soft voice “If the log rolls over we`ll all die!” He runs away. The next…

One day little Billy went screaming to his mom, “Mommy! Mommy! Theres a shrimp stuck between grandma’s legs!” His mother, intruiged by this, brought Billy to grandma, who was sleeping on the bed with her legs apart. The mother looked and laughed and said, “Why, that’s not a shrimp! That’s her privates, a vagina!” Billy…

How do you say constipated in German? farfrompoopin

The was a man named Jimmy who was on a job interview in another state that he didn’t know very well. While he was driving he became very tired. Noticing there were no hotels in sight, he pulled over in the driveway and knocked on the door. A old man in his 60s greeted him.…

Why did Michael Jackson cover his joke in cheese spread? Because kids will do anything for the taste of Dairylee.

It must suck being a penis because- 1. Your best friends are nuts 2. Your closest neighbour is an asshole 3. You vomit when you’re excited 4. Your owner abuses you And if you’re in the mood- 5. You work double-duty on Tuesday.

Verbs Anal Salute backfire bake breeze biscuits bake brownies bark bend a valve Beep your horn Blast the chair blow dirt blow dust blow a fart blow a gasket blow kisses blow mud blow smoke Blow the big brown horn blow the sparkplugs blurt boff Bottom blast Bottom burp boom-boom break the seam break wind…

What do women with no legs leave behind when they cross a linoleum floor? Snail Tracks.

Two gay guys are having sex. The penis says to the asshole “you think you have it bad, I’m up to my nuts in shit over here!”

One day, I went to the shooting gallery at the fair, one with the smiling clowns. I aimed and fired. Imagine my reaction when the target started yelling obscenities and charged. “WOW! These fairs are really getting high-tech,” I thought. Just to impress the girls watching, I held my ground and continued firing. Pretty soon,…