gross

THE KIDDIE PICK…When you’re by yourself and you uninhibitedly twist your forefinger into your nostril with childlike joy and freedom. And the best part is, there’s no time limit! CAMOUFLAGED KIDDIE PICK…When, in the presence of other people, you wrap your forefinger in a tissue, then thrust it in deep and hold back the smile.…

In school one day, the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about the elements. So she stood in the front of the class and said, “Children, if you could have one raw element in the world what would it be?” Little Stevie raised his hand and said, “I would want gold, because…

Rosy, posing thoughtfully in the mirror, says to Nina, “I think I’m going to see a dietitian.” Nina asks, “Why?” Rosy answers, “‘Cause I need to know once and for all how many calories there are in semen.” Nina replies, “I really have no clue, but if you’re swallowing that much of it, no guy…

This guy lives in Westchester, NY and goes to school at Ithaca College. For two years, he has wanted to ask a certain girl (who is also from Westchester and also goes to Ithaca) out on a date, but has never had the courage. Finally, one day over the summer, he sees her at home…

THE COMMON FART The Common Fart is the fart heard most often. It is a very close relative of the “Ripper”, but is released with less force. It is usually heard in groups where people aren’t yet comfortable with farting amongst each other. Therefore, one person in the group gets up some nerve and releases…

Q: What do the Star Trek Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? A: They both circle around Uranus searching for Klingons!

“Mommy, I hate my sister’s guts!” “Shut up and eat what’s put in front of you!”

1) If you and I were squirrels, I could bust a nut in your hole. 2) How do you like your eggs: fried, scrambled or fertilized? 3) My love for you is like diarrhea; I just can’t hold it in. 4) If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, then could…

The next time you are having a bad day, imagine this: You are a Siamese Twin. Your brother, attached at your shoulder is gay. You are not. He has a date coming over tonight. You only have one ass.

In an effort to clarify questions about the purported durability and unusual physical characteristics of Twinkies, we subjected the Hostess snack logs to the following experiments: Exposure A Twinkie was left on a window ledge for 4 days, during which time an inch and a half of rain fell. Many flies were observed crawling across…

A truck driver picks up a woman hitch hiker on the side o the road. He pulls over on the side of the road a few blocks down and the woman asks him what he is doing? He asks her if she wants to have sex? She says “I can’t I’m on my period.” He…

A mortician was examining Mr. Zeron’s joke before sending it to be cremated. He discovered the longest private part he had ever seen on Zeron. He felt it a pity to cremate him with it, so, apologising to the corpse, the mortician used his tools to remove the tremendously huge private part. The mortician stuffed…