insults

When you were born, God admitted that even he sometimes made mistakes!

Keep talking, I always yawn when I’m interested.

You’re as bright as a broken lightbulb!

You’re so fat you make sumos look anorexic.

What’s a Jewish dilemma? A free ham sandwich.

Q: You know what’s gross? A: When you look in a mirror!

If you can tell time… Why can’t you tell that I don’t have time for you?

Question: What is the best way to get rid of Irish people? Answer: Throw a dollar off of a bridge! Question: What is the best way to get rid of more Irish people? Answer: Say that no one found the dollar yet!

Keep talking, someday you’ll say something intelligent.

One professor says your IQ measures how much you know. A scientist says your IQ measures how much information you are capable of learning. All I want to know is how long it will take me to get with your sister. I mean DAMN!

Why was the diver angry at the diving board? Because it flipped him off.

TEACHER : There is a frog, ship is sinking, potatoes cost $10/kg, then what is my age? STUDENT : 32 yrs! TEACHER : How do you know? STUDENT : Well, my sister is 16 yrs old and she is half mad.