insults

  • Wow You’re Ugly

    You’re so ugly, you scare blind children.

  • Halfwit

    A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

  • Argument

    HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must…

  • Teeth

    Ryan’s teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.

  • Smart Blondes, Dum Blondes, Santa, & the Tooth Fairy

    A dumb blonde, smart blonde, santa clause, and the tooth fairy are walking on the sidewalk together. One of them steps on a five dollar bill. Who picks it up? Answer no one!! three of them don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

  • Zero

    Don’t think of yourself as a zero, think of yourself as the number below one.

  • Italian Christmas

    Christmas Italian Style ‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella Not a creature was stirrin’, Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!” When what to my Wonderin’ eyes should appear, But…

  • From a TRUE Friend

    Aren’t you tired of those stupid, mushy greeting cards down at the card store? Here’s what a real friend would send to another… Dear friend, When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad… When you are blue, I will try to…

  • How Many Men Does…

    How many men does it take to find anything? Zero. They have to ask a woman 1st and then after she tells them exactly where it is for the umpteenth time & they still can’t find it….. The now exasperated woman goes & gets it for them in the exact place she has told them…

  • Jupiter

    What’s Hitlers least favorite planet? ‘Jewpiter’

  • Is That Dinner?

    There were cockroaches in the corner of a hotel when four people saw it and reacted differently. The hotel manager saw the cockroaches, and said “Can somejoke please clean these up? It’s ruining my hotel.” A customer saw it and said “Don’t the hotel facilities know how to maintain this hotel clean and free of…

  • Stupid: It’s Whats For Breakfast

    Did you eat a bowl of stupid for breakfast this morning?