insults

USA:What’s wrong world? World:(crying and sniffling) My kitty died! USA: That’s unfortunate. Here’s a couple hundred billion dollars my hardworking citizens paid. I was gonna spend it on education and defence and whatnot, but you need it more. World:(takes the money) Cheapass! (spits in USA’s face)

Don’t think of yourself as an ugly person, think of yourself as a really pretty monkey.

You want me to write a joke!?!? The world is being attacked by aliens! AWWWWW! A warning; they have huge, hairy jaws and beady little eyes and long mangy hair and a huge nose and foul breath and and… oops. That’s just you.

Whats the object of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Boys are like diapers…. Always on my ass and full of shit.

You’re so poor I went in your front door and came out the back.

You’ll never guess what just happened! I just got arrested for punching a black woman. It wasn’t my fault it was my mom’s. We were in Home Depot when she told me to go find a Black & Decker.

You’re so dumb, you invented the solar powered flashlight!

why did hitler kill himself? because he saw his gas bill

There was a boy who never, ever lied. He always told people the truth and/or his opinion. Like when he broke a glass vase, he said that he broke it. He was rewarded a few days later for telling the truth, even though he was grounded. One day a lady asked him, “What do you…

Four girls were playing a game of tag. All of them had really long names that were hard to say, so one person thought of the idea of giving themselves nicknames. One suggested thinking of funny names, so the really tall girl was named ‘Shorty’. The really thin girl was named ‘fatty’. The next girl…

I don’t think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my crib.