insults

  • Johnny…With A Big Head

    Johnny comes back from school crying and says, “Mommy all the kids in the school say I have a big head.” His mother replies, “No you don’t Johnny. You have a hideously deformed head. The other children are merely hiding the truth to protect your feelings.”

  • Mind

    Don’t let your mind wander. It’s too small to be out on its own.

  • Joker

    Could you fax me your photo very very urgently? Mind you it’s really very very urgent, damn serious and very important ….. I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER.

  • Baby Faces

    You have a face like a baby, with a brain to match. * Credited to my friend fqzeng.

  • You’re so dumb…

    You’re so dumb, you studied for a blood test!

  • Wow You’re Ugly

    You’re so ugly, you scare blind children.

  • Halfwit

    A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

  • Argument

    HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must…

  • Teeth

    Ryan’s teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.

  • Smart Blondes, Dum Blondes, Santa, & the Tooth Fairy

    A dumb blonde, smart blonde, santa clause, and the tooth fairy are walking on the sidewalk together. One of them steps on a five dollar bill. Who picks it up? Answer no one!! three of them don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

  • Zero

    Don’t think of yourself as a zero, think of yourself as the number below one.

  • Italian Christmas

    Christmas Italian Style ‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella Not a creature was stirrin’, Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!” When what to my Wonderin’ eyes should appear, But…