insults

Don’t let your mind wander. It’s too small to be out on its own.

Could you fax me your photo very very urgently? Mind you it’s really very very urgent, damn serious and very important ….. I’m playing cards and we’ve misplaced the JOKER.

You have a face like a baby, with a brain to match. * Credited to my friend fqzeng.

You’re so dumb, you studied for a blood test!

You’re so ugly, you scare blind children.

A half-wit gave you a piece of his mind, and you held on to it.

HE: I’m a photographer I’ve been looking for a face like yours! SHE: I’m a plastic surgeon. I’ve been looking for a face like yours! HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance? SHE: No, I’d like to have some pleasure too! HE: How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE: I must…

Ryan’s teeth were so yellow that when he walked outside, the sun said give me my butter.

A dumb blonde, smart blonde, santa clause, and the tooth fairy are walking on the sidewalk together. One of them steps on a five dollar bill. Who picks it up? Answer no one!! three of them don’t exist and the dumb blonde thought it was a gum wrapper.

Don’t think of yourself as a zero, think of yourself as the number below one.

Christmas Italian Style ‘Twas the night before Christmas, Da whole house was mella Not a creature was stirrin’, Cuz I had a gun unda my pilla. When up on da roof I heard somethin’ pound, I sprung to da window, To scream, “YO! Keep it down!” When what to my Wonderin’ eyes should appear, But…

Aren’t you tired of those stupid, mushy greeting cards down at the card store? Here’s what a real friend would send to another… Dear friend, When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad… When you are blue, I will try to…