insults

You’re so ugly instead of taking you to the doctor your mom took you to the vet.

1st man: My son was born on Saint David’s day, so I called him David. 2nd man: My son was born on Saint Patrick’s day, so I called him Patrick. 3rd man: Well, my son was born on Shrove Tuesday, so I called him Pancakes.

My girl told me she was trying to lose weight, so I said, “Do whatever makes you happy inside. Just keep in mind that your weight’s just a number. There’s no number in the world to measure how beautiful you are . . . unless you include negative numbers.”

What’s faster than a speeding bullet? A jew with a coupon.

You’re so ugly that you scared away a man-eating shark!

Fuck hubluza!

You have the right to remain silent. Exercise it.

JOHNNY : Hey billy, you like Fishsticks? BILLY : Yeah… JOHNNY : So, you put Fishsticks in your mouth? BILLY : Yeah why? JOHNNY : What are you Billy, a gay fish?

Bob was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting home and was speeding. Wouldn’t you know it, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned him…

You are so small that on your ID picture, your feet showed.

You’re so dumb, you drowned when you were bathed in sunlight.

How long does a black woman take to do a shit? 9 months