insults

You’re so broke, your bologna doesn’t have a first name.

A newspaper columnist was found guilty and fined for calling a countess a cow. When the trial ended and the man paid his fine, he asked the judge, since it was now clear he couldn’t call a countess a cow, could he call a cow a countess? The judge said it was all right to…

If I wanted to think of a better come back, I’d dig it out of your @$$!

Message from www.dating.com: Your dating ad has been on the net for 8 weeks without any answer! Do you rather want us to try one week without a picture?

You’re so ugly… that when your mom dropped you off on the curb for school, she got fined for littering.

You’re so stupid that when you send a FAX you put a stamp on it

Hey! Is that your head or did your neck blow a bubble?!

You’re so old your social security number is 1!

Flea: (noun) a small, wingless, bloodsucking parasite (see also) a. Brother-in-law b. lawyer c. politician

Act naturally Happily married Microsoft Works Holy war Found missing Resident alien Minor Catastrophe Affordable housing Near miss Great depression Canadian army Phone sex United nations Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Death benefits Airline Food Women’s rights Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Sensitive man Government organization Everything except Civil War Good kid Sanitary landfill Alone…

You were so ugly as a baby, your incubator was tinted.

A girl named Zoey goes up to an artist and asks him to paint a picture of her face. “But Miss Zoey, if I paint a picture of your face then I can never be an artist again.” “Why?” she asked. “Because if I look at your face too long, I will go blind.”