lawyer

There once was a set of twin alligators that grew up in the same bayou. One, however, was much larger and stronger than the other. One day the twins were sitting there talking, and trying to figure out why one was so much bigger – since they were the same age, had the same genes,…

The slick defense lawyer was drilling the star witness, in an attempt to ruffle the mans feathers, and secure his own case. He began egging him on. “You seem to have more than the average share of intelligence for a man of your background” the lawyer sneered. The witness replied, “If I wasn’t under oath,…

What did the Lawyer name his daughter? Answer: Sue

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was saying to his lawyer, “If I lose this case, I’ll be ruined.” “It’s in the judge’s hands now,” said the lawyer. “Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?” asked the defendant. “Oh no!” said the lawyer. “This judge is…

An old preacher was dying. He sent a message for his IRS agent and his Lawyer (both church members), to come to his home. When they arrived, they were ushered up to his bedroom. As they entered the room, the preacher held out his hands and motioned for them to sit on each side of…

A lawyer calls his client to tell him about his fee schedule. “Alright,” the lawyer says, looking through his papers. “You owe me $1000 down and $417.58 cents each month for the next thirty-six months.” “What? That sounds like a car payment schedule,” retorted the client. “You’re right. It’s mine.”

In a murder trial, the defense attorney was cross-examining the coroner: Attorney: Before you signed the death certificate, had you taken the pulse? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you listen to the heart? Coroner: No. Attorney: Did you check for breathing? Coroner: No. Attorney: So, when you signed the death certificate, you weren’t sure the man…

Two lawyers were in a coffee shop talking. One of the lawyers names was Thomas Ulaiy (A-lie). After a while their conversation became rather morbid, and they started to talk about what they were going to have on their tomb stones. Thomas said the he wasn’t going to have his name put on his tomb…

Bob and Joe, a couple of personal injury lawyers, were discussing conditions in the legal profession. “How’s business?” asked Bob. “Absolutely rotten!” responded Joe. “How have you been doing?” “Even worse,” Bob replied. “I just chased an ambulance twelve miles and found a LAWYER inside it.”

How can you tell when a lawyer is lying? His lips are moving.

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding. Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.

An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed options with his doctor. The doctor said, “We have three possible donors. The first is a young, healthy athlete who died in an automobile accident. The second is a middle-aged businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The third is…