lawyer

What are the three questions most commonly asked by lawyers? 1. How much money do you have? 2. Where can you get more? 3. Do you have anything you can sell?

Lawyers are safe from the threat of automation taking over their professions. No one would build a robot to do nothing.

Q: What do you call one lawyer thrown off a bridge into a river? A: Pollution. Q: What do you call all the lawyers thrown off a bridge? A: Solution.

A guy phones a law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” The receptionist says, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer died last week.” The next day the same guy phones the law firm and says, “I want to speak to my lawyer.” Once again the receptionist replies, “I’m sorry, but your lawyer…

What do a circus and congress have in common? They are both full of CLOWNS

– When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. – During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway. – He tells you that his last good case was a “Budweiser.” – During the trial you catch him playing his Gameboy. – He asks a hostile witness to “pull my…

Q:What is the difference between a leech and a lawyer? A:The leech stops sucking you dry after you’re dead.

A lawyer died, and at the same moment, the Pope also died. They arrived at the gates of heaven together. They spend the day in orientation, and as they’re getting their heavenly vestments, the Pope gets a plain white toga and wings, like everyone else, and the lawyer gets much finer apparel, made of gold…

A lawyer in Basic Math class “What is two plus two?” “Well, first let us decide the parties. The first two is party A. Now first, where are the signatures that my client two WANTS to be added to the party B, two. I see no signatures, and therefore the two twos shan’t be together…

In his legal practice, Abraham Lincoln was never greedy for fees and discouraged unnecessary litigation. A man came to him in a passion, asking him to bring a suit for $2.50 against an impoverished debtor. Lincoln tried to dissuade him, but the man was determined upon revenge. When he saw that the creditor was not…

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The crime boss and his attorney meet with his accountant. “Where’s the $3 million you embezzled from me?” demands the gangster. The accountant is silent. “Where’s my $3 million?” the crime boss shouts. The lawyer explains: “Sir, the man is deaf. Allow me to translate.” Using sign language, the attorney asks the accountant about the…