lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in South Louisiana. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer’s field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded,…

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense: “My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb.” “Well put,” the judge…

Have you seen the current remake of the movie “Cape Fear?” It’s about a deranged psychotic who is seeking revenge against a lawyer. The question is, while watching the movie, for whom do you root?

Mary Louise Gilman, editor of the National Shorthand Reporter has collected many of the more hilarious courtroom bloopers in two books – Humor in the Court (1977) and More Humor in the Court, published a few months ago. From Mrs. Gilman’s two volumes, here are some transquips: Q. What is your brother-in-law’s name? A. Borofkin.…

Pete and Mick were in court and standing before the judge. “Why can’t this case be settled out of court?” the judge asked. Pete looked up at the judge and said, “That’s what we were trying to do, your honour, when the police interfered.”

An attorney got home late one evening after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for his client, Wilbur Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last minute plea for clemency to the state governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed. As soon…

Q: Santa Claus, the tooth fairy an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A: The old drunk of course; the other three are mythical creatures.

The Democratic National Committee finally released thousands of pages of financial disclosure information. Says Vince Vieceli, “Unfortunately, they released them from a third-floor balcony in New York during the parade for the Yankees.”

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a vampire? A vampire only sucks blood at night.

If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?

Hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It’s called, Sosumi.

Take heart, America. Three monkey wrenches have been thrown into Japan’s well-oiled economic machine. It’s only a matter of time before that powerful engine of productivity begins to sputter and fail. What could cause such a sharp turnaround? High interest rates? Increased unemployment? Lower productivity? No, it’s something much more economically debilitating – and permanent.…