lawyer

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. “So, what is it?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Garber has just died,” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.” The governor replied: “Well,…

How many lawyers does it take to shingle the roof of a house? It depends on how thin you slice ’em.

How was copper wire invented? Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel and so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal…

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what is your third question?”

Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet below ground instead of the usual 6? Because deep down, they’re not so bad!

An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and…

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?” The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate…

Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.” Q: Did he kill you? Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself? Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a…

A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault… “YOU STUPID REDNECK!” shouted the lawyer,…

The judge summoned the opposing lawyers to his chambers. Confronting the lawyers, the judge said: “Each of you has presented me with a bribe.” The lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “Mr. Hearnski, you gave me $15,000. Mr. Joy, you gave me $10,000.” The judge then handed a check to attorney Hearnski. “Now then, I’m returning $5,000 to…