lawyer

A man walked into a curio store and was shopping around. After awhile, a golden rat interested him and he went to purchase it. “That’ll be $20 for the rat and $1,000 for the story behind it,” said the shop owner. “Thanks, but I’ll just take the rat for $20 and leave the story”. He…

Not all lawyers are bad. I’ve seen some graveyards full of good ones!

A lawyer goes in to the cell where his client is being held. “Okay, I’ve some bad news, and some good news.” “Right, what’s the bad news?” “It’s DEFINITELY your blood at the scene of the crime.” “So what’s the good news?” “Your cholesterol is way down!”

Q: Do you have any children or anything of that kind? Q: Please state the nature of your relationship to the minor child? A: I’m his mother. Q: And you have been so all of his life? Q: What is the meaning of sperm being present? A: It indicates intercourse. Attorney Q: Male sperm? A:…

An older man, Mr.Brown, in his hospital room knew that he was nearing his death, so he called in the three people that he trusted the most – his doctor, his pastor, and his lawyer. They were all waiting sadly outside of his room, when he called in his doctor. The doctor walked in slowly…

An attorney telephoned the governor just after midnight, insisting that he talk to him regarding a matter of utmost urgency. An aide eventually agreed to wake up the governor. “So, what is it?” grumbled the governor. “Judge Garber has just died,” said the attorney, “and I want to take his place.” The governor replied: “Well,…

How many lawyers does it take to shingle the roof of a house? It depends on how thin you slice ’em.

How was copper wire invented? Two lawyers were fighting over a penny.

An independent woman started her own business. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in. Pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel and so she began interviewing young lawyers. “As I’m sure you can understand,” she started off with one of the first applicants, “in a business like this, our personal…

A man walked into a lawyer’s office and inquired about the lawyer’s rates. “Fifty dollars for three questions,” replied the lawyer. “Isn’t that awfully steep?” asked the man. “Yes,” the lawyer replied, “and what is your third question?”

Why do they bury lawyers 10 feet below ground instead of the usual 6? Because deep down, they’re not so bad!

An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will. “Your estate is very complex,” said the lawyer, “but I’ve made sure that all of your wishes will be executed. Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500.” Just then, the phone rang and…