lawyer

An attorney was sitting in his office late one night, when the Devil appeared before him. The Devil told the lawyer, “I have a proposition for you. You can win every case you try, for the rest of your life. Your clients will adore you, your colleagues will stand in awe of you, and you…

A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer went to a lawyer seeking defense. He didn’t want to go to jail, but his lawyer told him, “Don’t worry. You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.” The lawyer was right. When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t…

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you’re out…

Lawyer: “Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence.” Judge: “And what is the nature of the new evidence?” Lawyer: “Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left.”

A lawyer was having a nice peacful time at home one day when the phone rang. He answered it and it was a man asking for donations towards a charity. The lawyer tries to tell the man politely that he wouldn’t donate. But the man kept pushing and pushing. The man said over the phone,…

How do you tell when a lawyer is well-hung? When you can’t fit your fingers between the rope and his throat.

A butcher was minding his store one day, when a dog ran in and stole a cut of meat off his counter. The butcher recognized the dog as belonging to his neighbor, who was a lawyer. He called up his neighbor and said, “Your dog stole meat from my store. I believe you owe me…

An elderly spinster called the lawyer’s office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office. “You must understand, I’ve lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don’t like…

The stockbroker received notice from the IRS that he was being audited. He showed up at the appointed time and place with all his financial records, then sat for what seemed like hours as the accountant pored over them. Finally the IRS agent looked up and commented, “You must have been a tremendous fan of…