lawyer

A bunch of lawyers were sitting around the office playing poker. “I win!” said Johnson. Henderson threw down his cards. “That’s it! I’ve had it! Johnson is cheating!!!” “How can you tell?” Phillips asked. “Those aren’t the cards I dealt him!”

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera met an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there. The lawyer replied, “Remember that lousy real estate I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds. What are you doing here?” The doctor replied, “Remember that lousy real estate…

Q: What happened then? A: He told me, he says, “I have to kill you because you can identify me.” Q: Did he kill you? Lawyer: Were you alone or by yourself? Lawyer: Were you present in court this morning when you were sworn in? Lawyer: Was that the same nose you broke as a…

A successful, wealthy and very arrogant bigshot city lawyer and a redneck got into a car wreck on a hot summer day. The lawyer got out of his BMW and the redneck got out of his pickup to survey the damage, and the redneck realized he was at fault… “YOU STUPID REDNECK!” shouted the lawyer,…

The judge summoned the opposing lawyers to his chambers. Confronting the lawyers, the judge said: “Each of you has presented me with a bribe.” The lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. “Mr. Hearnski, you gave me $15,000. Mr. Joy, you gave me $10,000.” The judge then handed a check to attorney Hearnski. “Now then, I’m returning $5,000 to…

The National Institutes of Health have announced that they will no longer be using rats for medical experimentation. In their place, they will use attorneys. They have given three reasons for this decision: 1. There are now more attorneys than there are rats. 2. The medical researchers don’t become as emotionally attached to the attorneys…

Two lawyers had been life long friends: they were partners and shared everything, including their hot-blooded secretary. One day the secretary announced she was pregnant. They told her not to worry and assured her that they would pay all medical costs and would act as co-fathers when the child was born and provide all expenses…

A man accused of theft was appearing before the Judge. “Your Honor,” his lawyer said, “I feel it is very unfair for my client to be accused of theft. He arrived in this city only a few days ago and barely knows his way around. What’s more, he is only able to speak a few…

You are stuck in a foxhole with a cobra, Saddam Hussein, a lawyer, and only two bullets in your gun. What do you do? Shoot the lawyer twice.

The relatives of the family’s rich dowager gathered for the reading of her will after her long-awaited death. “Being of sound mind,” read the lawyer, “I spent every last cent before I died.”

A lawyer had just rented a cabin up north and was planning to do some hunting. So he goes up and finds that he has a neighbor. The neighbor is from Czechoslovakia. They decide to go hunting together and become good friends. While they camped out during the night 2 bears, a male and a…

Q: What’s the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit ? A: The bucket.