medical

A man awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation, and found that the curtains were drawn around him. “Why are the curtains closed?” he said. “Is it night?” A nurse replied, “No, it’s just that there is a fire across the street, and we didn’t want you waking up and thinking that the…

“Doctor! I have a serious pronblem, I can never remember what I just said.” “When did you first notice this problem?” “What problem?”

The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The hypothalamus controls the “Four F’s”: fighting, fleeing, feeding, and mating. -Heard in a neuropsychology classroom

A woman goes for her pelvic exam. While the doctor is doing the exam, he notices bikini tan lines, and she has sandals on that say “hecho en mexico” (made in mexico). So he casually asks her, “So did you enjoy your trip to Mexico?” She sits up a little and stares at him with…

A general was confined to a military hospital for treatment of a minor malady. For almost a week, he made a complete nuisance of himself, irritating both staff and the other patients, demanding attention and expecting his every order to be followed immediately. He was in a six-man ward rather than a private room, his…

A doctor came to a sanitarium to check up on the patients. He sees that everyjoke is walking around with an empty leash. So he asks a few patients what they are doing. They all answered that they are taking their dog out on a walk. Only one of the patients said “What are you,…

In pharmacology, all drugs have generic names: Tylenol is acetaminophen, Advil is ibuprofen, & so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and announced today that they have settled on mycoxafailin. Also considered were mycoxafloppin, mydixadrupin and mydixarizin.

Bernard, a 72 year old, is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but Sarah, his wife, persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. Bernard returns home, and Sarah says, “So? What did the doctor say?” “The doctor says I got a flucky.” “Oh, heavens! A flucky!…

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness. Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie. If I can just remember how they did this on ER last…

A man went into his shrink’s office and says, “Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I’m a sport car. “The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?”…

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness “Let me ask your opinion, nurse…” “Has anyone ever seen one of THESE?” “What do you mean, “It’s upside down”?” “This is what happens when cousins marry.” “You think we can sew it back on?” “Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?” “What does the AMA know;…

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your face and hands.”…