medical

A doctor came to a sanitarium to check up on the patients. He sees that everyjoke is walking around with an empty leash. So he asks a few patients what they are doing. They all answered that they are taking their dog out on a walk. Only one of the patients said “What are you,…

In pharmacology, all drugs have generic names: Tylenol is acetaminophen, Advil is ibuprofen, & so on. The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra and announced today that they have settled on mycoxafailin. Also considered were mycoxafloppin, mydixadrupin and mydixarizin.

Bernard, a 72 year old, is bumped by a car while crossing the street. He is seemingly unhurt, but Sarah, his wife, persuades him to go to the doctor, just in case. Bernard returns home, and Sarah says, “So? What did the doctor say?” “The doctor says I got a flucky.” “Oh, heavens! A flucky!…

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness. Has anyone seen my watch? That was some party last night. I can’t remember when I’ve been that drunk. Well, this book doesn’t say that… What edition is your manual? Hand me that…uh…that uh…..thingie. If I can just remember how they did this on ER last…

A man went into his shrink’s office and says, “Doc, you have got to help me! Every night I keep dreaming that I’m a sport car. “The other night I dreamed I was a Ferrari. Another night I dreamed I was a BMW. Last night I dreamed I was a Porsche. What does this mean?”…

Things You Don’t Want to Hear When Regaining Consciousness “Let me ask your opinion, nurse…” “Has anyone ever seen one of THESE?” “What do you mean, “It’s upside down”?” “This is what happens when cousins marry.” “You think we can sew it back on?” “Is that SUPPOSED to be yellow?” “What does the AMA know;…

A man is lying in bed in a hospital with an oxygen mask over his mouth. A young auxiliary nurse appears to sponge his face and hands. “Nurse,” he mumbles from behind the mask, “Are my testicles black?” Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, “I don’t know, I’m only here to wash your face and hands.”…

A young doctor went to look at a practice that was up for sale in a very remote part of West Virginia. It looked perfect with a comfortable house, fully equipped lab, and lovely gardens. The old doctor even quoted a very affordable price. “This looks great,” said the young doctor. “I just can’t figure…

Two doctors opened an office in a small town. They put up a sign reading: “Dr Smith and Dr Jones, Psychiatry and Proctology.” The town council was not too happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to: “Hysterias and Posteriors.” This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council,…

A well-respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. “We need a fourth for poker,” said the…

Once there was a girl who wanted larger breasts, so one day she went to see her doctor, Dr. Smith. Dr. Smith told her to rub her breasts and repeat the following: “SCOOBIE,DOOBIE,LOOBIE, I WANT BIGGER BOOBIES”. One day she was running late, and decided to do her exercises on the bus when a guy…

1. Better save that. We’ll need it for the autopsy. 2. “Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord of Darkness.” 3. Bo! Bo! Come back with that. Bad dog! 4. Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what’s that? 5. Hand me that…uh…that uh…that thingy there. 6. Oh no! Where’s my Rolex? 7. Oops!…