medical

  • Happy Birthday To You!

    It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. – S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

  • The Traveller

    A girl goes to her doctor, because she’s found some unusual green marks on her thighs. After the doctor has examined the marks, she asks the girl some questions so that she can determine the cause. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Yes.” “Can you describe him?” “Ok; he’s tall, dark, and works at the fairground.”…

  • What Doctors Say

    Here’s a little list of “Doc-isms” – What doctors say, and what they’re really thinking: “I’d like to have my associate look at you.” He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. “Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?” You’re crazier’n a loon. Now, if I can only…

  • Would you please do me a favour?

    A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want…

  • Fighting Mood

    Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

  • You Idiot!

    A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

  • The Wonderful Doctor

    Doctor Simon is known throughout town as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment. One day, Betty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A…

  • The Country Doctor

    An old country doctor went way out to the boondocks to deliver a baby. It was so far out, there was no electricity. When the doctor arrived, no one was home except for the laboring mother and her 5-year-old child. The doctor instructed the child to hold a lantern high so he could see, while…

  • Hear Ye, Hear Ye . . .

    “I’m having trouble with this new hearing aid,” said the man to his audiologist. “Really? Can you describe the symptoms?” “Sure. Homer is fat and yellow, Marge has blue hair…”

  • The Long Term Implications of Drug…

    The long term implications of drug research and medical procedures must be fully considered. Because over the past few years, more money has been spent on breast implants and Viagra than is spent on Alzheimer’s Disease research. Medical researchers believe that by the year 2030 there will be a significant number of people wandering around…

  • Nipples

    Q – Why do women have nipples? A – Because, if they didn’t, boobs would be pointless

  • Botty Burp

    A man walked into the doctor’s surgery and said, “Doctor, every time I break wind it sounds like a motor bike.” “That’s very interesting; is there anything else bothering you?” asked the doctor. “I also have a large boil on my backside,” said the man. “Right,” said the doctor, “I will lance your boil and…