medical

A lady gynecologist, was concerned that she was be being lied to everytime she took her car in to have it worked on. She knew very little about cars, so when she heard the local college was having classes in auto repair, she signed up. She studied very hard and was one of the best…

One afternoon, Tommy is driving down a highway to spend some time at a lake and relax. On his way to the lake, he spots a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway, gesturing for him to stop. He rolls down his window and asks, “How can…

In a recent FDA study, the United States government doctors who were conducting studies on test drugs administered weekly doses of VIAGRA to an equal number of doctors and lawyers. While the majority of the doctors achieved enhanced sexual prowess, the lawyers simply grew taller. The researchers are at a loss to explain the phenomenon.

I went to the neurologist yesterday, to find out if I still needed to take my medication, right? Well, he goes off on a random tangent about Hershey Park and I’m like, what the heck, I thought this was about me, not a theme park. And so, somehow, he decides that I need to take…

A doctor goes into a sanitarium one day to check up on the patients. He sees they are all lined up with bathing suits on, jumping into the air and landing hard on the floor. He asks them what they are doing, and they all answer “We’re diving into the pool”. Only one of them…

1.Doctor, Doctor! My son swallowed a pen, what should I do? Use a pencil instead! 2.Doctor, Doctor! I think I’m getting shorter! You’ll just have to be a little patient. 3.Doctor, Doctor! I’m invisible! I’m sorry, sir, I can’t see you right now.

Jack tells his shrink, “Last night I dreamed you were my mother.” “How did you feel about it after you woke up?” asks the psychiatrist. “I overslept,” answers Jack. “Then I remembered I had an appointment with you, so I grabbed a Coke and some cookies for breakfast and came right over. I didn’t really…

Patient: Doctor, doctor, I know a person who is an owl. Doctor: Who? Patient: Now I know two. Doctor: “Did you take the patient’s temperature?” Nurse: “No. Is it missing?”

A girl went to a dentist to have her teeth filled. The dentist asked, “What kind of fillings do you want? White or silver?” The girl replied, “Chocolate fillings.”

The following quotes were taken from actual medical records as dictated by physicians. (Courtesy of Richard Lederer, Ph.D.”Fractured English.”) – By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped and he was feeling better. – Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. – The patient…

Harry was in the hospital. He was an old man, and from time to time the young nurse would come in and say in a patronising tone, “And how are we doing this morning?” Well, this is a story of revenge. Harry had received breakfast, and had taken the juice off the tray, putting it…

An 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?” “There’s something wrong with my penis,” he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.”…