medical

Q – Why do women have nipples? A – Because, if they didn’t, boobs would be pointless

A man walked into the doctor’s surgery and said, “Doctor, every time I break wind it sounds like a motor bike.” “That’s very interesting; is there anything else bothering you?” asked the doctor. “I also have a large boil on my backside,” said the man. “Right,” said the doctor, “I will lance your boil and…

“You have a very rare and extremely contagious condition,” the doctor told his patient. “We’re going to put you in an isolation unit, where you’ll be on a diet of pancakes and pizza.” “Will pancakes and pizza cure my condition?” “No,” replied the doctor. “They’re the only things we can slip under the door.”

A Japanese doctor says, “Medicine in our country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks.” A German doctor says, “That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another,…

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform. He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works. Finally the doctor says to him: “This is all in your mind,” and refers him to a psychiatrist. After a few visits, the shrink…

The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was to ask whether anything was troubling him. “Well, to tell the truth, Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. I’m never sure I can remember…

A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, “Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your trouble to bed with you.” “I know,” said the man, “but I…

Four expectant fathers were in a Minneapolis hospital waiting room, while their wives were in labor. The nurse arrived and announced to the first man, “Congratulations sir, you’re the father of twins.” “What a coincidence!” the man said with some obvious pride. “I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team.” The nurse returned in a…

A couple visit a sex therapist, who asked the wife, “What’s your main complaint about your sex life? She replied, “My husband suffers from premature ejaculation.” The therapist asked the husband, “Is this true?” He replied, “Well, not exactly, I don’t suffer. She does.”

A dentist was getting ready to clean an elderly lady’s teeth. He noticed that she was a little nervous, so he began to tell her a story as he was putting on his surgical gloves. “Do you know how they make these rubber gloves?” She said, “No, I don’t have any idea.” “Well,” he spoofed,…

A little old lady goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor I have this problem with wind, but it really doesn’t bother me too much because they never smell and are always silent.” “As a matter of fact, I’ve farted at least 20 times since I’ve been here in your office.” The doctor says, “I…

Heard over the hospital public address system: Due to a mix up in Urology, no apple juice will be served this morning.