medical

A few days before his proctological exam, a one eyed man accidentally swallowed his glass eye. He was worried for a while, but there were no ill effects, so he forgot about it. Once he was in the doctor’s office, the man followed instructions, undressed, and bent over. The first thing the proctologist saw when…

A guy walks into a doctor’s office. He has a sausage coming out of his ear, a waffle coming out of his nose, and bacon coming out of his other ear. He says worriedly, “Doc, what’s wrong with me?” The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. ‘I feel tired all the time,’ he slurs, ‘My head hurts, I’ve got a sore bum, and I’m not sleeping. What is it doc?’ Frowning the doctor examines him thoroughly before standing back. ‘I can’t find anything wrong,’ he says.’It must be the drinking.’…

Doctor, doctor. I think I need glasses. You sure do, sir. This is a flower shop.

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement. “Listen,” says the Doc, “I have migraines too, and the advice I’m going…

It was a dark and stormy night in the small Newfoundland village when Jarge’s wife suddenly went into labor. The doctor came to the house and realized there was no time to get to the hospital in the city, the baby was coming now! Just then the power went out. Jarge brought out the kerosene…

‘Doctor,doctor.I think that I’m a bridge.’ ‘What on earth’s come over you?’ ‘Well a car,a bike…..’

Tommy went to a psychiatrist. “Doc,” he said, “I’ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there’s somejoke under it. I get under the bed, I think there’s somejoke on top of it. Top, under, top, under. You gotta help me, I’m going crazy!” “Just put yourself in my hands for two…

3 expecting mothers were talking in their doctors office, about the sex of their babies. The first mother said, “I’m having a boy.” “How can you be so sure?” asked the other two. “Well” said the first, “my husband was on top.” The second replied, “If that’s the case then I’m having a girl because…

A man was having a serious surgical operation. When he woke up, he asked his doctor, “Did it go well?” “It went perfectly.” “Then why do I have this headache?” “Oh, that. Halfway through the operation, we ran out of anesthetic.”

The Japanese eat little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans. The French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans. The Japanese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or the Americans. The Italians…

I was looking at this parked, motorized wheelchair once, and I noticed that it had a dial on it to control it’s speed. At one end there was a turtle, and at the other end there was a rabbit. I just assumed at first that the turtle was representing the slower speed, and that the…