medical

A guy falls asleep on the beach for several hours and gets a horrible sunburn. He goes to the hospital and is promptly admitted after being diagnosed with second degree burns. He was already starting to blister and in agony. The doctor prescribed continuous intravenous feeding with saline and electrolytes, a sedative, and a Viagra…

Whats the difference between a good egg and a good fart? You can’t beat a good fart!

One Halloween a man was walking down the street and heard a thumping noise behind him. Looking behind him he saw a coffin following him, upright. He was a bit nervous and began walking a little bit faster. The coffin continued, “thumpety thump, thumpety thump”. He began running and the coffin kept up and began…

A handsome gentleman gets in an accident and finds himself in hospital soon after recovering. Shocked, he asks the nurse how he got there and if he has all his joke parts on. “You only lost your arms, sir, but you will be ok,” was her reply. Very disappointed that he had lost part of…

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. “As you can see,” she says, “the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?” “Well,” ponders the student, “I suppose I’d limp too.”

1. Staff physicians include Dr. Who, Dr. Kevorkian, and Dr. Demento. 2. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle. 3. Annual breast exam conducted at Hooters. 4. With your last HMO, your birth control pills didn’t come in different colors with little “M’s” on them. 5. Your “primary care physician” is wearing the pants you gave…

“How can you stand it?” the young psychiatrist asked the old psychiatrist. “Day in, day out, year in, year out, listening, listening, listening!” “Who listens?”

An old hillbilly farmer with a severe case of hemorrhoids visited the doctor. The doctor prescribed some very powerful suppositories and asked the man to come back in a couple of weeks. The old farmer hadn’t used suppositories before, and didn’t realize they weren’t a pill to be taken orally. Two weeks later, the old…

Viagra now available in liquid form. FDA officials today announced the release of the wonder drug Viagra in a new, easy-to-take liquid form. It is sold under the name “Mydixadrill.” Now when men come home from work in the evening, they can pour themselves a stiff one.

A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of her daughter’s swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say “Gimmee a break lady! Your daughter is pregnant.” The mother turned red with fury and she argued with the doctor…

I read right the way through a medical dictionary, and found that the only thing in it I DON’T have is hypochondria!

For year’s years they told me, “Be careful of your breasts. Don’t ever squeeze or bruise them, And give them monthly tests.” So I heeded all their warnings And protected them by law… Guarded them very carefully, And always wore a bra. After 30 years of careful care, The Doctor found a lump, He ordered…