medical

“OK,” said the psychiatrist, “let’s try some tests. I’ll draw something, and you say what it reminds you of.” He draws a house, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a square, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a circle, and the patient says, “Sex.” He draws a trangle, and the patient says, “Sex.”…

Patient: “Doctor, you gotta help me. I’m under a lot of stress. I keep losing my temper with people.” Doctor: “Tell me about your problem.” Patient: “I just did, you moron!”

Q. Where do Comedians go if they are sick? A. To the He-He-Mergency room!

Q. What does HMO stand for? A. This is actually a variation of the phrase “HEY MOE.” Its roots go back to a concept pioneered by Moe of the Three Stooges, who discovered that a patient could be made to forget about the pain in his foot if he was poked hard enough in the…

My doctor says I have insomnia, but I’m not going to lose any sleep over it.

It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. – S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.

A girl goes to her doctor, because she’s found some unusual green marks on her thighs. After the doctor has examined the marks, she asks the girl some questions so that she can determine the cause. “Do you have a boyfriend?” “Yes.” “Can you describe him?” “Ok; he’s tall, dark, and works at the fairground.”…

Here’s a little list of “Doc-isms” – What doctors say, and what they’re really thinking: “I’d like to have my associate look at you.” He’s going through a messy divorce and owes me a bundle. “Do you suppose all this stress could be affecting your nerves?” You’re crazier’n a loon. Now, if I can only…

A dentist, after completing work on a patient, came to him begging. Dentist: Could you help me? Could you give out a few of your loudest, most painful screams? Patient: Why? Doctor, it wasn’t all that bad this time. Dentist: There are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don’t want…

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription? Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.

A man speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!” “Is this her first child?” the doctor queries. “No, you idiot!” the man shouts. “This is her husband!”

Doctor Simon is known throughout town as one of the best consultants on arthritis. He always has a waiting room full of people who need his advice and specialist treatment. One day, Betty, an elderly lady, slowly struggles into his waiting room. She is completely bent over and leans heavily on her walking stick. A…